Dear Kaisers,
I cannot believe that you have passed, brutally chucked to the ground by your mean, giant stepbrothers EDEKA and REWE. You have been around since 1881 surviving generations of hungry Berliners. You were there all this time, always serving the best food for us, always looking for the best price/performance ratio in town, and even serving us liquor at times when none of your family members cared anymore. You said farewell to the actual last emperor, you survived the most dreadful wars, you saw walls rise and fall and we just took you for granted all this time. But now, now you are gone. Kaisers – we will miss you!
Kaisers, it didn’t matter what neighborhood my life would take me to, you would always be there and greet me at least twice from Marzahn to Zehlendorf. Sometimes I knew, but sometimes you would just take me by surprise. But, you would always bring a smile to my face when I spotted you in that cute ‘lil red outfit of yours with that sweet teapot symbol. No one could pull of a ‘lil teapot symbol the way you did. Not in their wildest dreams would your siblings go for this bold styling statetment – ever! They would just look silly. But you didn’t!
You gave me 124 reasons to fall for you. 56.000 thousand pairs of eyes caring, showing interest and sometimes, on a Saturday morning at 2am at Warschauer, looking at me with nothing but pure distain. Still, even that was ok because at least you were there for me on these Saturdays at 2am to fulfill my tipsy wishes.
Yes, it is our fault. We should have visited you more often, spent more money and time with you but we went for aunt ALDI and uncle NETTO instead and their cheap, unecological seductions. But weren’t you the one providing us with local products all over Berlin? Weren’t you the one who had an open door for us 24/7? Weren’t you the one giving away all the christmas and easter chocolate half-price after the holidays? And the Disco-Kaiser’s Party you threw for all of us will go down in history! You got so shrimpy the last couple of months – we should have known. Oh Kaisers – we did not realize what you mean to us!
We will look back at all the moments we had and remember you dearly. We will remember your diversity, charm and omnipresence. From the charismatic filthy chic you showed us at Kotti, or your polished, well thought out appearance at Bikini, to the ravy, disco version you served at Warschauerstraße. We will remember the dinners you supplied, the drinks you provided , all the last minute condoms and tampons only you would have, and all the weekend checkount counter flirts you initiated. Thank you Kaisers – you will be missed!
