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Since I started dating I’ve always gone international. There are only a few European countries I haven’t planted my metaphorical flag (yes, this is a dick joke about my metaphorically huge dick). There is only one country whose men (and only men) I try to avoid: Germany. “Why? What have German men ever done to deserve this?” I hear you say, my dear reader. Well, I’m glad you asked…
The fantasy of a German dude sweeping one off of one’s feet and carrying one past the Ausländerbehörde into a future of passion and excitement hasn’t ever had much traction. A friend of mine who has been in a long term relationship with a German man recently told me that if she wanted to have sex with him, she would write him an email informing him of her desire and the two would take it from there. (I wish I was making this up.) In light of this, I’m wholeheartedly convinced that it was a German man that came up with the word Geschlechtsverkehr – a word that takes the fun out of something that is supposed to be the height of ecstasy but has turned into something altogether more bureaucratic the moment a Thomas, Dieter or Malte gets involved. Have you ever tried to talk dirty with a German? It’s the least sexy experience imaginable, and I blame no one that abandons learning German after having suffered through it even once.
In my experience, a date with a German man is like going to an Amt: it’s draining and you feel like neither of you really wants to be there. You fill out the forms, bring all the paperwork, sit down until your number is up and finally, you get a Bescheinigung, and that’s only if you’re lucky. The idea of Netflix and chill has a German version which I call ARD Mediathek & Suffering. It’s free, supposedly fun, and fit in to the narrowly timed parameters (8pm-6am) of the German Jugendschutzgesetz. It’s putting the Ordnung back into the Geschlechtsverkehr. If romance is dead, it was a German man that killed it.
From the offer of money for sex via Tinder to online dating messages consisting of cringe-worthy detailed descriptions of sexual acts, the perpetrators were always the same: German men. My personal favourite features generous tidbits like: “Heute morgen beim erwachen fand sich ein pulsierendes, ein kräftiges, ein forderndes Glied zwischen meinen Beinen” (“This morning I found a strong pulsating, demanding phallus between my legs”). I’m seldom speechless but how does one reply to such a message?
And I know I’m not alone. The Tumblr blog Straight White Boys Texting has a German equivalent called Straight White German Boys Texting. The submissions oscillate between gently cringey to projectile vomit-inducing. It seems the way German men express desire in writing is deeply flawed.
Of course, courting has always been difficult and a recently released map showing which emoji is used most in which country educates us further on this ancient struggle. That the see-no-evil monkey is preferred by Germans is something I blame entirely on German men trying to flirt. They know they’re doing the wrong thing, but German mentality dictates that if they don’t see it, it’s not there.
So dear reader, please trust me that if you ever receive an unsolicited dick pic, followed by an emoji of a monkey hiding its face, the sender is almost certainly a German man. I wish the Unicode developers had stuck with the traditional option of featuring a fourth monkey specifically for the German man: the do-no-evil-monkey covering his genitalia.
Text: Alix Berber, Illustrations: Eugenia Loli
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Alix Berber is iHeartBerlin’s newest dating columnist. The Tattletale Heart tells stories of desire, infatuation and the ghosts of lovers past. They are the dating-chronicles of a hopeless romantic with serious trust issues in the capital of the notoriously unattached.
You can follow Alix on Twitter and Facebook.
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What? i can’t believe you published this!
I think you are being a bit too harsh on the poor German guys! I’m not one of them so I don’t have skin in the game but still… On the other hand, I have to say my experience with German women is a lot similar to what you wrote 😀
I can totally relate to this. I am a German man, too. I know very well about our own shortcomings. Of course not all German men are the same. But regardless I tend to prefer dating foreigners too. Dating another German guy is for me like trying to make a meal out of two dry slices of bread ;(
This is not true! There are absolutely very romantic german man and although yes, practicality is a huge priority for germans but they can definitely be the sweetest and dead romantics! Have you ever dated a real Berliner? I guess not. I find this article really one of those german-bashing, which happens alot here but shouldn’t be acceptable as no one bashes any other nationality, if so there would be huge uproar.
I’ve personally dated german guys, and other nationalities and I find germans one of the most sincere and honest lovers.
it sounds like a distrustful german monkey would be your worst nightmare (>_<)
I feel like Tinder is the worst place to conduct any statistics on the quality of German men (or anyone, really). That’s like writing a column about how bad German food is because you usually eat at rusty gas stations along the highway. That’s like me saying I would never ever date American men or women because I watched all “American Pie”-movies (I didn’t, that’s just for comparison). Oh, and Alix – for god’s sake, if you want to meet a real partner, get off of Tinder! Like, who is on Tinder to find love? That’s insane.
I couldn’t read this whole article… My personal experience backs the last two comments but what is with the blanket stereotypes? Plus what makes a good boyfriend/partner/lover/whatever else is so subjective.
I totally agree with Jules and the last comment! Come on, just get off Tinder and meet real persons and all the stereotypes will be blown away because you get to know amazing persons, doesnt matter what Nationality!
German guys are hot, but as we used to say “All the parts, no instructions” – somehow, it’s never easy…
I will highly dispute your article. I’ve been in a relationship with a true German man, from Berlin. He’s the sweetest, kindest man you could ever meet. He’s loving, generous, and can be quite funny. Based on your article, I’ll say I’m the lucky one as he is nothing like the Germans you’ve described and I’ve had 3 1/2 years of
of amazing fun with him and I love him bunches!!
I actually agree. My friend who has lived here and dated different german men for 5 years said the same thing. I have similar experiences with german women.
Well constructed and entertaining article. You are great writer, but are you a great lover.
Have you ever wondered why you’ve never met a passionate German men?
I’ve been with my German husband for 7 years and we’re still hot together! He’s 12 years older and grew up in east Berlin, escaping 2 months before the wall fell when he was almost 19. He’s romantic, passionate, empathetic, and great with money too. He always helps cook and clean without me having to ask him, remembers all the anniversaries and holidays that I keep forgetting. I have the best husband I could have. I love Germans and Germany.
Disgusting german-bashing. These articles are the reason why british and american expats are more or more hated by germans (most would not say that bluntly) . I’m a german men who is fluent in five languages and I have dated and had hot sex with very attractive women from Brazil, Ecuador, Ehtiopia, Thailand, Iran, Peru and Angola. They all said how romantic and sensual I am. Alix, forget it. No german men likes anglo-american women, shure. I’m sorry to say.
I’m very sad about to see how almost every day germans are being offended and demeaned by expats, mainly from the US and the UK, living in Berlin, not understanding any german. My experience with german guys is quite different. In the first month after coming from Brazil to Berlin I met a very romantic, passionate and well-educated german men who speaks an excellent English. He also has learned portuguese and is quite different from the guys described in the blog. Shocking to read “There is only one country whose men (and only men) I try to avoid: Germany.” My sense is that is dispargement. Very evil…
Lol! This article is absolutely fantastic – it had me in fits of hysterics! “(“This morning I found a strong pulsating, demanding phallus between my legs”)” – utter comedic, tongue-in-cheek genius, hahaha!
The comments section so far honestly just reinforces the view that Germans are incapable of laughing at themselves – lighten up, will you, the article is unbelievably funny! I’d been thinking about popping along to try some of that famous German sausage (the eatable kind) and was curious to know what the men are like, stumbled upon this article and bam – an early morning treat that had me in giggles. 😀
German Guy, to be fair, we British women aren’t exactly falling over German men – and now we all know why! 😉
you mix Up your Racism with your fucked Up Dates… How old are you 16???
But passionate they are…Although can’t say that about their sincerity. 🙂
I am not agree. Everything is up to woman 😉
Oh Skye, really? “Germans are incapable of laughing at themselves”? Saying that gives you leeway to say anything and no-one being able to reply – otherwise automatically being labelled a spoil-sport. With your comments you are just further reinforcing the normality and accepted practice of German bashing. As pointed out in other comments, Germany is the only country that people are allowed to bash without repercussion.
English-speaking expats living in Berlin and perpetuating this practice is just the height of ignorance to me.
I can not agree with the article at all and am disappointed that you would publish such an offensive and not even cleverly funny article on a pro-Berlin website. I would have expected more from you. At least follow it up with how British men and women are not datable at all? That would be fair at least.
And to the writer: I really hope you don’t live in Berlin anymore. Because if you are and you really think in such broad brush strokes and stereotypes you are not anyone who adds anything to the community. Why move to a new country, in this case Germany, if you don’t want to integrate and actually be part of the community? It’s people like you giving British and American expats a bad rep.
Also love the illogical nature of your article of how you started with how you don’t date German men, so clearly, you can’t speak from any experience.
complete bullshit in any word…
Loooooved the article!!! Most of it is actually true. How I know? Well, I am German.
Not too brag, but I have rounded up about sixteen nationalities during my adult single years, and I find most of the article’s content to be accurate.
Obviously, there are exceptions to the rule, don’t wanna generalize.
Other than that, pleeeeeeaaaase, people who used the term “German bashing”, inform yourself about irony in general and sarcasm in particular and – lighten the fuck up!!!
As a Spanish girl I must say…i dated e German guys…on tinder and was the worst sex of my life. They talk to much about how much passionate they areally. They cum fast…they cant satisfy you; anti oral sex ^^…and after they act like made you a favour.really awful behivor.
hmmmm…..
seperate the people …. put them in drawers
….sounds like you read a book called “how to write STUFF people would engage for maximum KLICKS/PROFITS
yeah my english sucks … so what … i think your brain has an error correction…
Correction: this is not dating German men. This is dating (bzw Fickvereinbarungen) on Tinder.
German men are fantastic, loyal, reliable, and keep a clean toilet.
Check yourself, girl. Overzealous generalizing may have been what left you loveless in a city full of love.
An entertaining article… indeed. Profound, sophisticated or significant – rather not. However, this was not the goal of this article in the first place, instead it was written for one purpose only: Being provocative – and it surely reached that!
Well, I’m a German man in a relationship with another German man and we suffer none of the things mentioned in the article.
Having said that I remember being frustrated by the German style of flirting when I was single. But hey, we’re just more subtle and it takes a bit longer to win us over. So the writer may just have to work on her patience.
Poor poor racist view..
Interesting how some, yes often English speakers, behave in their host country. And the obvious question should be : ” What the hell are you doing here then..?”
Far from any irony, or other stylistic devices.
Sounds more like frustrated girl looking for a skape goat…
Good look with your karma.
I see two somewhat conflicting criticisms in your article. First, you’re making German men out to have an overly formal and bureaucratic approach to sex and dating, and then you’re describing German men to send inappropriate sexual pictures and messages. Although both could be symptoms of a national unhealthy attitude to sex, they represent fundamentally different approaches to it, and you seem to be complaining about both. So then what does constitute a healthy approach to sex and dating then, in your book?
Personally, as a German woman, I rather like the matter-of-fact, somewhat bureaucratic approach to sex and dating. You don’t have to, you can have whatever preferences you like. But I prefer when a man asks whether he may kiss me before doing so. The alternative of simply assuming I want to may be considered ‘more romantic’, but comes at the risk of having read the signs wrong and kissing someone who doesnt want to be kissed. You may find the German approach overly formal and lacking in romance, I personally find it more respectful of both parties’ wishes and feelings, and I value respect more than romance. But again, to each their own.
I love your humour!! Between me and my girlfriends, in a few years of dating in germany german guys we have collected an insane amount of crazy stories, we could almost write a book!! Once I told one of the german guys I was dating that I felt like I was asking for an appointment at the dentist… He did not like my joke 🙂
After him, I quit with germans 🙂
While I have met (in a biblical sense) my share of German men who are not like the above, I remember those types from my albeit brief stint in online dating. Teutonic pragmatism and subtle flirting do not seem to go together. Ranging from cold, mechanic descriptions to blatant vulgarities followed by too many “cheeky” emojis (wink, tongue and yes, monkey), I think German men (and possibly women) just need a bit of help in the fine subtleties of digital conversation …
To return the favor: Had a few dates with american and british women and I have to say that it was quite boring. Condoms with rings on them counted as “kinky” 😀 But I would not generalize, there are certainly british women who are great in bed, just maybe not the ones living here in Berlin.
If you want to meet the fun-oriented germans just head out to KitKat on Saturdays…
Does it get any more racist thant this?
I don’t share same opinion, my experience I found out they are a bit reserve but as passionate as any other guys…. They just need a bit time to open up and be themselves.
What I was trying to figure out first of all is whether you, dear tattletale columnist, are German or not. For a German, like myself, there are a few ways of taking this article, but since we Germans are quite robotic I go with the most neutral approach similar to what we see in the four sides model from Schulz von Thun knows as “factual information”.
Most of my friends are robots in every respect. Am I? I guess to a certain extend. However, I always felt a bit like a misfit in an uptight-“take a ticket” and wait in the queue-3 dates to only get missionary-society. This is why I decided to move to another country as soon as I had the chance. Now, in terms of dating I will confess that I have only ever dated non-German ladies. As a matter of fact my taste in women is rather exotic and all of these women revealed that I was a very satisfying and passionate lover…given the fact that I am German and that. Before you ask no I am not a wanna be 50 shades of grey imposter, but maybe I am the real life example of a biomechanical tattoo? A robot with some veins and a heart.
Next up you should write an article (or get someone else to write an article) about German women, because if you think German men are lame you’ll have another thing coming. I’ll be back… 🙂
It’s sarcasm? Also, there is no racism against white Germans as you all know. Lighten up! Personally also don’t date German guys, but glad there are different preferences. More Germans for you German-lovers out there!
I’m coming from eastern Europe, I am educated, have a good job, I have never been sleazy. All German men I dated had an indecisive approach towards me until I told them where I’m coming from. And they wanted to know this asap. Immediately after, their attitude became gross. I was surrounded by educated people all my life, and normal people treat me with respect. There must be something wrong with these men, if they can treat decent women as they’re whores. I have been called names for refusing to comply with their idea that it’s an honor to be their woman on the side (honor the master?). To me, it looks like they learned nothing from their history. They love taking advantage of those who, like me, still believe there is good in people.
Yes! Yes!!!
I have wasted 5 minutes of this beautiful sunny morning on this…
OMG! This article is right on the money! After reading the article and commentary, this American decided to throw her hat into the ring. Alix, you are preaching gospel to me. I’ve dated Europeans, however this past summer I had a few dates with a Berliner. All true. He was cold (prided himself on being a robot), EXTREMELY awkward in conversation (it felt like a disposition at court) and when I gave him a hug he started trembling (really shaking like a leaf) and ran away leaving me in the street (!!!). Romance? That consisted of Sir Mixalot and other fine rap tunes expressing his desire to copulate which I ignored (this was the first date).
Alix, ignore the haters and keep fighting the good fight. I wish I read this before agreeing to be setup on a date with this guy. Such a headache.
You hit the nail on the head. German men might be attractive on the outside, but their standoffish and cold demeanor can go kick fucking rocks. They are socially awkward and do not know how to approach or speak with women. They have no charms or personality compared to other Europeans.
I’ve been in Berlin for four months and didn’t get one guy to talk to or ask me out for the first month, despite going to bars and clubs. You know why guys don’t approach women here? All of these socially inapt fuckers are on Tinder, which has single handily ruined dating in GENERAL. I met the most fucked up Germans on that app, a few I slept with, and they showed me their ass the next day.Lets not forget, they are CHEAP.
I come from North America and believe if a guy asks you out, he should pay for the FIRST DATE ATLEAST. I remember going to get drinks with a guy ( mind you this is Berlin, booze is cheap) and I ordered a 2.50 EUR glass of wine and he didn’t even OFFER to pay. I was turned off because this guy was a lawyer and bragged about how much money he made. I left after 30 mins and told him straight up I didn’t like him. How’s that for German bluntness?!
Don’t get me STARTED on how these German guys on online dating are obsessed with me because I’m black. They have some black girl fetish they want to fulfil through me. No thanks!
Good luck to the rest of you ladies in Berlin, I will be going back home, keep your head up girls, you worth much more than a basic ass German.
totally RIGHT!
Yep German men have no passion ….and are hopeless lovers ! When you live with one as I do and do all for him as I do then your just taken for granted …. Your mum…..simply no sex and no bed passion ….it’s sad but true ….. They can flirt super but trust them is another thing …..sorry but I talk from experience
I dated a German man for 5 months, we had sex after a few dates and it dick did not work… I never tried to initiate sex again. I felt like he needs the time to be ready. We made out again after 5months. I told him I don;t want to have sex to save him from embarrassment but turns out he did not get a hard on again. The next day he asked me to leave the house and never wrote back to me.
I regret being kind to him. He used to Masturbate so much that he lost the ability to do it with a real girl.
I’m filled with anger right now.
First of all I wanna say I like German guys hehehe. It’s well-known that German guys got this awful reputation, but from my experience i have to say it’s just the opposite. He’s from Berlin n he’s the sweetest n the most gentleman guy I’ve ever date, romantic n always taking care of my needs. He got a strong character, but of course, he’s german , but still, he respects me so much n i laugh with him so much. There isn’t any bad comment i can say cuz it’s my first german bf n the last one cuz i just love my relationship.
We can’t generalize or stereotype all germans, i think u just had bad luck n u should give urself another try. It was just a bad experience, but I’m sure even though they’re cold they can be really sweet n special guys.
Gosh…there are some haters out there. Have you still got a dagger stuck in your little heart after realising you were nothing but a bum ting? Because a weave and fake nails paired with your stuck up attitude didn’t make the guy pay for your shitty drink? Hmm…although all the Germans are so awful that still didn’t stop you from getting tapped though, did it now? There are some real jokers here.
I’ve been reading these comments and decided to chime in. First off I’m going to take the responsibility of saying “some” German guys… Not all, definitely do fit the descriptions of this article. I’ve dated several Germans before marrying the one that I am currently with. I love my husband dearly but his sex drive is basically nonexistent. He’s one the sweetest most loving and loyal guys you will ever meet (not to mention strikingly handsome). When we first started our relationship it was long-distance so every time we did get to see each other making love was a regular thing. However, after we made serious commitments and decided to marry it’s like pulling teeth to even get his head in a sexy thinking mode. There’s no adventure games sexy talk or dirty talk, variation, creatively, drive or passion. It’s extremely saddening but I’m committed so now I must adjust. We talked about this together many times and I’ve tried different ways to bring sexy into the bedroom but he’s not having any of it. Every thing about our relationship is great except sex. Choose your man wisely German or not. Two of my ex-boyfriends are German and they both we’re total stallions in the bed so it’s probably better not to make blanket statements about an entire group.
You forgot the split bills!
Fuck!!!!! at least somebody is telling the truth. <3
This article is about German people in general..both men and women..the most boring, rigid, unspontaneous, did I mention boring? Non humurous, dogmatic people on the planet…completely incapable of functioning once a familiar situation becomes unfamiliar…unable to adapt to change or have fun…too worried about looking foolish or silly..cant even join in a sing along or karaoke….
This is plain racist and ignorant. THIS ARTICLE IS PLAIN RACIST and ridiculous. What if the title said the same thing about arab or black men? oh that would be a NO NO wouldnt it? Who are you hiring to write your columns? The writer doesn’t even show his face on his FB page nor here.
This, ladies and gents, is supposed to be ‘alternative’ press. You see? the problem is that now any hipster with a laptop can fancy himself a writer.
A non german man.
Dear Lord what a nasty way to troll German muppets, “Germany must perish” style, but guys, could not really see you are being trolled royally by a clickbait worthless article… the only missing in the title is “11 reasons why”… oh boy it works every time
Heartbroken mein Schatz?
Honestly this is the most superficial article ever. However everyone is free to have its own opinion and in the end it just gives the feeling that the dating life of the writer is not that thrilling in general. There are always two people attending a date…
I must correct you there ….when your with a German man there is only one person on that date HIM …..
German men love porn sites and hand jobs … Sorry to be blunt …. The best sex they have is with themselves .!!!
Wow! have you ever thought about the possibility, that it is you, that makes the date that bad? I don’t understand why you are even in germany, if you think the germans, especially the guys are that unbearable! @iheartberlin: what is it with all the german-bashing you are doing here on this site? I don’t get the point! Too superficial and overrated, for my taste.
ain’t that a racist and sexist article.
just wow.
usually i just ignore these international wannabe “journalists” that have been living in berlin (aka germany, not that the distinction matters in their view) for a summer or two and somehow claim to have understood the essence of german culture.
and no, my criticism doesn’t imply that my “german” “manhood” is being attacked and that’s why i’m writing this, yet i have rarely read anything that is even remotely as childish, intolerant and – putting it simply – dumb as this piece of berlin-hipster-blog-blabla.
if you’re trying to be funny and witty, please try again or stop trying all together.
and since nationality seems such a big concern to you when you’re effing around, has it occurred to you, that “dating” is not a one way street?
that reproducing sexist and nationalistic clichés in a context of being “cool” and “fun” and acquiring clicks is – morally speaking – on the level of macho-men and their neanderthal-attitudes which you surely detest?
this piece is quite simply embarrassing – i won’t go down the road to tell you to “go (back)” where ever you will find the type of men you seem to crave so deeply because the implication of being a german in berlin who’s against foreigners would be all too easy to draw.
quite frankly articles like this disgust me. there’s a fine line between irony/sarcasm/humor and blunt racism/sexism/intolerance. and frankly, you don’t seem to be the type of person who knows where this line is respectively even know that it exists.
enough venting for today – that’s what this “article” was for all along, provoking a reaction of “german men”, am I correct?!? … so here, i threw you an argumentative bone. do yourself a favor and chew on it…
Don’t date german men online.. they are weird, bizarre and now I think they are racist. It’s like german women didn’t want them so they are left with subracial women to search on online. At the beginning it will be great but as time passes and you investigate them, complain about no phone calls during the weekend or looking at their pages.. they will run from you. They will reduce communication but they can investigate you. They are big players.. talking to you and 2 others.. this happened to me and he was fat.. nobody is good enough for him.. doesn’t need to be from Berlin.. mine was from Bonn.. german men deserve to be single for life by the level of immaturity, shallow, and lies.. f”” them big time.. an Year of my life waisted
This sounds very much the same as dating a german woman.
…I mean, since we are being sexist.
I’ve been speaking with a german guy, we spoke not too often, sometimes 3 times by week, in the beginning we spoke almost everyday. He is so sweet and considerate but after, I just proved that he is a big lie. He told many things that he did not do. Broken promises and finally just talk
Sorry, but that is just a very one-sided generalization, nothing more.
If this was written as a kind of comedy article, alright. As a German I can laugh about that.
But this rather strikes me as that you are meaning what you’re writing.
While I also am happy, that I am together with a wonderful lovable japanese woman who isn’t as noisy and complaining like a lot of german women are, that also is just my personal experience. Experiences that I made over the course of 30 years in Germany, but still.
You however have dated how many men in Germany? In what time frame? Outside of Tinder?
If you’re dating someone who works at the Finanzamt or a place like that, well, you just don’t do that. Of course these guys are terrible.
Germans aren’t that different than people from other european countries.
So if you have developed your basic senses towards human interaction, you should be able to judge if someone is a fit for you without blaming race on it. 😉
They’re the fucking worst
BOOM – I love this article! Had to send it to my scandinavian friend who for some reason that is totally unclear to only dates German boys. German boys are indeed very cute. They are predictablevery unplayful and clumsily romantic, so the smart ones don’t even try to be romantic (big plus btw, I am scared of red roses and candles). To defend the author against all these upset commenters – can anyone deny these unfalsifiable facts about German boys? If you think now “hell yes”, I am pretty sure you want to add characteristics instead of denying. It’s the absolute truth. Google tinder statistics, I bet you find valid proof in those dark cornners of internet!
PS: does anyone know a good pick-up line including the term “Geschlechtsverkehr” that guarantees quick success in the Biergarten? I namely heard Germany produces the best marriage material and tinder is apparently not eligible for those matters.
Dear iheartberlin-Team: Imagine the same article with “black man” instead of “german man”. You should think about removing this insulting, racist, stupid article from your platform.
Dear author: If you want a romantic relationship, you really should not use tinder…omfg this really is no rocket science…
I once dateducation a german guy, but so much true about them, but he was soo cool, I would love to date one.
I am Brazilian and I’ve been with my German boyfriend almost 3 years and we’re still hot together! He’s 12 years older and grew up in köln. He’s romantic, passionate, empathetic, and great with money too. He is the best person I ever met. He always cook and clean without me having to ask him, supports me in my goals in life. I have the best boyfriend I could have. I love Germans and Germany.
D you still love your ex and you need a spell to get him/her back, kindly contact dr ozama via this link https://www.facebook.com/ozama.adodo.1 for he can help you too.
Hi all,
I have lived in Germany for more than two years but till now could not find a BF. I am well educated and looking for an educated and generous German man. Pls tell me how can I find?? I am totally lonely here. So, I don’t like online dating or related websites.
German guys are terrible when itcomes to dating. They have stereotypical ideas of women, liw self estwem and are absolutely decadent. Fir them you are never good enouigh. You can look beautiful, cook for them, be friendly and be understanding. If you do not fit into a stereotype which is idealized in misogynic internet subcultures, you have no chsnce. Also, they are full of hate towards towards women which is baded on misogynic dating coaching sites they find in the internet. They have problems, treating women as equal partner.
This article is redundant. “Aurelie” by Wir sind Helden is the ultimate go-to-guide for French heterosexual cis women despairing over the mating rituals of German males, and I presume some further semi-humorous generalisations could be extracted from its lyrics for any other given nationality and/or orientation.
Throb.
I’m dating a very romantic German guy!! 🙂 He is the best sex of my life, so sensitive and kind, super driven and motivated, so stylish, very attractive and a bit over stressed sometimes but who isn’t.
I guess these stereotypes are quite true. The bogan German guys are so boring and I don’t have many German male or female friends as they’re pretty boring and not really relaxed enough for me. All the same, massive generalisations and there is hope! 🙂
This text clearly shows what americans and british think about germans, especially men. They live here in Berlin, but they humilate the locals every day. They have no respect. They impose English as the oficial language in order to dominate us. For more than hundred years they wanted Germany to perish. I was born in Berlin and have been living here for all my life, except for the years I lived in Spain and Asia. But with all this open hatred against germans, I decided to leave Berlin. I cannot stand it any more living here…
It is really disgusting how germans are treated by british and americans. I have observed it several times: especially german men are hated by these so called expats. My understanding is that this text is clearly violating german laws. I agree with Holger that the text is an example of what anglo-americans really think about us german. They are not friend or partners, they are our worst enemies. They want us to perish and they openly hate us. Germans wake up, stand up against it!!! I have worked for an amercian company here in Germany where the german employees have not only been constantly discriminated, they have been been beaten right to the face… This text is a stroke in face for every german men!
I have dated with German man. But unfortunately we lived in different countries so could see each other just twice a year. I cant even call it dating. But he was very reliable and lovely person. I even thought that we will marry but he always refused to talk about marriage. I am also was not so interested in marriage but it was the only way to be together. I loved him very much. But in our last meeting I was very nervous and stressfull mostly days as I had problems at work before it. When I returned to my home country we wrote each other again but he informed that as I was very stressful and nervous he lost to me interest :((( . It was big shock for me. I think that he never loved me and he never wanted to marry me. I was for him just a woman from Oriental world. What do you think ??? Would like to hear opinions of German men. Thanks in advance.
German guys found their partner at the age of 30. You only meet the garbage left.
Tinder, seriously?
But nice to read, you gained a lot of clicks for the german-english translation website.
see-no-evilmonkey.gif
So wo kan I send mein Dickpic?
The best way not to date german man is: Being somewhere else.
Good trip home!
This is so spot on! Thank you. It also applies to German women. How is this country even populated?
wow, very nice & very racist – Can´t believe you publish such a trash here. shame on you! racist !
Germans are not really a different race so this is hardly racist. But yeah, let’s call out racism for the fun of it.
I stumbled unto this article by chance and after reading all these comments etc, I am not going to lie, i was very afraid. I have this German friend that i met, it is nothing heavy just talk and coffee and nothing heavy. I must say that he is a very respectful man and has not made wrong move on me, which is like but he is very structured and serious. This guy by no means have been cheap as many of the ladies here complained about, and has always taken the tab for everything on dates, despite me willing to pay my share. Although i would say that is uncomfortable when i flirt and sometimes does not get my jokes, but i seriously don’t make a big deal over it, it is who he is as long as he is respectful to me. The only thing that puzzles me is that he says i am to overwhelming, which i have been getting the opposite from American men who find me boring because I am not much of a passionate person. I find it cute that he gets red when i hug him. It is a breath of fresh air being around a man i can be myself and not have to act fake to impress or would not find me boring because i am not into the talk about sex on the first date or any of the dates. We go around walking going to end and enjoy conversation and he can sit hours talking a bout work etc which i find fun and he can listen to me talking for hours about my soap making business, he finds it fascinating. I do not know where this would end up, but whether it blossoms into a relationship or not, at least, i at least got to know a nice person who is respectful and would be happy either way if it just stays in friendship or not. FYI, the man works seven days a week and i find this very attractive in a man. I personally do like my space and do not like men who want to be in my face like a needy child all the time. idk, Give me a cold German any day over a love sick, fire crotch man who wants to be all over me being that i can get irritated and tired of people very quickly when they are around to long.
What an idiotic article. I think you´re one of these awful intellectually challenged women and/or you belong to a certain minority who hate Germans in general. And I have to say – thank god you don´t like German men since I would feel awfully sorry for every decent German man who would fall for such a mean retarded woman. Stick to the men from the country you come from and if you really despise German men so much this isn´t the country for you muppet. I´d suggest you fuck off and live in another country.
German men don’t know how to flirt. They will take you to a bar, talk about boring stuff like groceries, will NOT smile at you for the whole evening, but – expect sex afterwards. Happened every time until I stopped dating German men.
The best thing is when they demand that women make the first step ‘because that’s what you do in an egalitarian society – in Scandinavia they do it all the time!!’. Well, Hans, Scandinavian men are usually extremely good-locking, AND very friendly. Sadly, you are neither.
I never got a chance to date a German Guy while Im in Germany but during my single months I used to date mostly a German Guys they are so many in current country I’m living in lol . Yeah maybe you’ll meet those guys from tinder sending dick pic, making some booty calls but its not just Germans from other countries as well .most of the German guys I’ve met before are generaly polite and down to earth.
I thought Im the only one noticed til i had a convo with my friend and she said the same thing she can compare a lot as she is more experienced with other Nationalities.You’ll have a good conversation with them about business , education and politics .Theyre smart and logical . So when I become single again (just Kidding) I will still go for Germans 😂
After I read about German men !!! I was blown away..
Coming from a country, where women are catcalled and not treated equally nor with respect.
I would love to live with one and share my life with one.
Like other commenter had said..we don’t want a man who is after us like a needy child, we would happy with subtle cues.
Intentions are more deeper than external indications. Loyalty, oneness, soul touch is more wanted than superficial praise/appreciation/flirting and then fooling around with someone else the next evening.
We want more real and practical men, while faking, flirting and obvious, loud romanticism is for movies and stays good there.
Oh German men –Don’t change yourselves, you are already great !!! Your lady luck will come for you running that too bare footed!!!
Haha, I am so sorry for you frustrating experience… Not all Germans are like that though.. I actually dont know what to say.. are you serious about ur article..? 0_o Good luck anyway..
There is much truth to this. Living in Germany for many years (both in a relationship and dating), I can say that the shy passivity of German men is a big turn-off. They are often to afraid to make the first move and often you won’t be able to read the signals which seem to be universal when flirting with the opposite sex. But not here. Then the stiff awkwardness and having a different sense of humor…all of these make it difficult to date and have fun with German men.
Maybe you’re the problem, my boyfriend is German and he is a blast. Maybe I got lucky I don’t know but he is endless fun, and so seeet. It’s sad to see you generalize an entire country of people because you are probably a prude and a bore.
I’ve first read this article shortly after it was published, almost 2 years ago. at that point I was newly-single in Berlin and looking forward to all the fun. now, after having spent 2 years on the dating scene here, I sadly have to agree: I give up. I never have and probably never will have sex with a German. the dates with German men (as opposed to other expats I’ve met) feel like sitting at a job interview with a set of obligatory questions to be answered, where the guy takes himself so seriously you secretly want to slap him in the face or shake him by the shoulders. there’s no fun, no joy, no happiness in any of it – and I even speak pretty decent German! I’ve kept an open mind for a long time, blaming it all on bad luck and trying again and again, but sadly, Alix, you were right all along… oh so right.
what a piece of plain racist, femi-nazi article…..
what race is this against specifically?
This is spot on. I’m currently chatting to a german guy. He is so so bat at flirting it actually makes me cringe. Whenever he mentions sex related topic he always uses the see no evil monkey covering its eyes! He is 52 for crying it out loud! I can imagine sex with him “ Schatzi, sex tonight will begin at 21:00 sharp wether you’re here or not!”
I agree with the fact that if this “article” would have been about non-white men (I am one) it will be a scandal. Anyway there’s a lot written and said about us „südländische Männer“ being Interested just in fucking, money, social security, German citizenship, uneducated (which is completely biased and far away from reality) overall stupid and machos…should I go on??? and that from an imperialistic social dominant point of view. Not a little piece that someone wrote on the internet. So stop whining and be a man. Weicheier
If we don’t learn to accept the differences and coexist we are heading towards extinction. If you don’t like dating germans just stop doing it for fuck sake.
I have dated multiple german men, and yes, I totally agree. They’ve all been very unexciting, never matched up to my adventurous self, and holy SHIT, talking dirty in german is the most difficult, uncomfortable thing I’ve ever had to do/witness. Some seem to think this article is racist, but it’s just so damn accurate.almost all German men are incapable of expressing the way they feel over text- or rather, incapable of replying at all.. and this is from personal experience. It’s just horrifying. Maybe I’ll find a german man who’s incredible and shares my interests and actually wants to reply to me without sounding like he’s arranging a business meeting. Or maybe I won’t. But hell, this article made me giggle because of its accuracy, for sure.
I absolutely agree.
German men are filthy losers who require a huge prostitution industry to satisfy their dog and anal sex fetishes.
Notice all the women who claim German men are so great are Muslims.
German mean are misogynist and child abusers.
Their fucked up idea of governance is to not collect data or share any intelligence between states, because Germany is the den of Freemasonry.
Remember, most German bankers funded the GDR as protestant experiment to see how far they could monitor citizens.
Notice how the German men curse so much and have very short fuses and very low self-esteem hidden by a loud and rude behavior.
It’s hilarious that one German male commenter even tells the author of this wonderful little article to “be a man”
Germans are bad people at heart, and need to remove their identity completely.
Also notice the names of the native German women claiming all the German men they date are so magical.
Native German women have serious issues and are pretty stupid people. They are reactionary dupes who support Islam because they are too stupid to ban MALE GENITAL MUTILATION because Germans are JEWS.
Yep. Germans are just Jews in disguise.
I was in relation with a German guy. Je was married but his wife quitted him and did not pay attention to him. She was completely depressed when I met him. His wife was always in trip and enjoying life with friends.I did everything for him. We had a good seconds and although he were not so hot but he learnt how to do it. I knew every of his fantesies and what he can be satisfied. The details that even his wife did not know and we did what was new for him.
But being as a trustable person I should tell they are not.
His quitting wife came back and he prefered to remain with that woman who only cared about expensive things in her life. She never cared when his husband needed her. But he quitted me because of this woman. Only because she was a fashion model.
I can tell I will never trust a German man, because whatever one do for them, they do not care and only be ignored by another woman is attractive for them.
Let us be honest: Who likes german men, the least attractive men in the world? They are racists, killers by birth, criminals, the scum of the earth to be blunt. They are responsible for 60-80 million people killed in the last century. I think we should establish new concentration camps for all of them and let them perish. All problems would be solved. Or let us make them our slaves. Nobody will ever miss them. No women will cry for them. German women prefer foreign men, who are superior. They adore us, the americans and british, not the uggly germans. GERMAN MEN MUST PERISH!!!
What has happened to this world that we cannot accept that other people are different than us? Why can we not accept that people have different upbringings, a different culture, a different character, are different in general. Why do we think that any other person on this whole wide world has to share the same values and be similar to oneself? I live now for seven years in Berlin and I have to say I am disgusted by the intolerance and yes you can say it – actually racism – I am facing in this city. Is there really something like the typical German in this world – what are we gonna say next – the typical jew – the typical Afro-American – because this is I think considered racist. I have been on an on-off relationship with a Canadian with Asian heritage for four years. At the beginning of our relationship I asked her to come to a wedding with me as a means to get to dive into German every day life. I thought she would pay transportation and half of the wedding present as I would have done. We had a huge fight after I asked her the money after the wedding. She always emphasizes how emancipated she is and how independent and it was still a big thing for her that I pay everything. Let’s say that this was one of our first major cultural clashes. And you can call me everything but in the end I am still a human being and it was a misunderstanding partially due to our different cultural backgrounds. To be honest I even like these misunderstandings from time to time, learning how every one is different and has different backgrounds. And I have to say it makes me sad as hell to see these expats in Berlin (for like I said seven years now) who are ignorant of the different culture, language and people who surround them.
So funny XD
I lol’d too much than I expected
Oh nein my dear.
Trust me because I’m dating a german man.
and he is the sweetest man I’ve ever met on earth.
But indeed when the first time he introduced himself to me,
he sent a private message on my twitter,
with complete personal info of him,
and his photo in formal style (he didn’t even smile)
like what you normally see when someone sends a CV to apply for a job.
although that was weird af, I find it was so interesting.
I love weird and unusual stuff, so I called him on the phone.
and after that we started dating 🙂
I am currently dating a German man. I am an American of Indian heritage. But though my parents are originally from India, I am completely Americanized or almost completely. So the culture clash is not as big as it would be probably if I was actually Asian! But anyway, there is a stereotype that Germans are like coconuts that I think is true, they have this tough exterior but are sweet on the inside.
This guy I am dating is one of the most honest people I have dated. I love it because I don’t have to guess. Some people probably think Germans are rude but it’s more like they don’t have the filters that some other cultures do… it means you shouldn’t ask him how your hair looks unless you actually want the truth but it also means when he tells you he loves you, he means it.
My German guy is also almost like a machine in terms of how precise he is, which can have good and bad points as well.
Sometimes his honesty and his precision is annoying as f*ck, and I seriously wonder why I tolerate him, but then he will turn around and do something so heartbreakingly sweet… like, for example, I was over at his place and he cooked this lovely meal for me. So I told him that my Mom would love it, except it would have to be vegetarian for her.
So then the following week he calls and asks if he can come over and cook that same meal for my Mom, but vegetarian. And then he does. He comes over with all the ingredients neatly packed in separate containers and cooks the meal in our kitchen and serves my Mom.
He expects “fairness” in terms of who pays for dates, which some women don’t like. But why are you dating a guy? Is it to get someone to support you or do you want an equal partnership? Don’t get me wrong, I like for him to treat me sometimes. Then I will treat him sometimes as well. Once he figured out that I refuse to split the bill but I am happy to take turns treating – then no problems. I prefer doing it this way because it gives both of us a chance to plan a fun date… 🙂
Anyway, I really like my German guy. I don’t want to stereotype and indicate he is “typical” just like I’m not a “typical” American or whatever. I mean, we are all unique individuals. But of course our culture does influence us… so a disorganized German might still be more organized than a disorganized Indian, or an introverted American might still be more extroverted than an introverted Swiss. But whatever cultural quirks or other issues, I do think the fact that he is a very honest person does make it easier to navigate those things.
At any rate, I get that if you are in Germany and have a hard time connecting with the locals that it can be frustrating, but that doesn’t mean it’s OK to just trash them. Maybe it just means you are not a good fit for that particular culture but someone else might do just fine? At any rate I don’t like to trash a whole country….
Get over it people it’s a hilarious article. All countries have stereotypes like ‘German men are boring’ but there are exceptions to the rule. I’m Irish ‘Irish people are drunks.’ Yes a lot are! Social lives & bonding revolves around the pub -we have issues with intimacy …. most people end up gathering ‘Dutch Courage’ to make a move. It’s social conditioning. I think ours comes from Catholic oppression. Same as Germany & their history…
This article – though extreme – is pretty spot on. I laughed so hard about the monkey covering his eyes Emoji… That was the only way I knew if the German dude I was dating was flirting!! He’s a gorgeous specimen of a man, very interesting (if you are very on top of politics, economics, art & literature.) And he was fucking amazing in bed and had a lovely sizeable ;member.’ He ticked a hell of a lot of boxes. Except for personality – maybe I would have seen some in about 5 years. For dating…. oofff this was hard. I was familiar with interacting with Germans and I did my research online too. Complete stereotype. I was surprised he kept calling & texting – I was bored to tears. Couldn’t figure out how he was enjoying this…. Not excitable people in the slightest and that’s fine but just enter at caution. Oh how I wish he wasn’t a stereotype!!
Just leave our beautiful country if you don’t like our beautiful German men. I’m a German woman married to the most wonderful handsome sweet and loving German man, he is smart and funny and a joy to be around and he’s the most kind-hearted, loyal and honest person I ever knew. We have been together for 8 years now and have three children together. Don’t say anything bad about our beautiful, handsome and loving German men or else I will get really angry.
Haven’t read so much bullshit in a long time – no, I’m not German!
I had one that had a windscreen wiper (for cars) in the shower that I had to write on a paper on the wall that I had cleaned after my shower and would also yell from the other room if he heard me pissing standing up (yes he had attuned his ears to hear from 3 rooms away if somebody is pissing standing up or sitting down – in which case I encouraged him to travel to asia and experience people pissing in a hole in the ground to see how that would make him feel).
I’m really disappointed in Iheartberlin for publishing this, most likely for higher clicks and engagement rate. I’ve been following iheartberlin for the longest time I can remember, and this is sadly the kind of writing that is non-constructive at all (it’s mostly a rant).
I’m not German, but I’ve dated German men, had a long-term 5 year relationship with one, even. I understand the sentiment of the writer, as I myself have similar frustrations to this – but I find it to be a post that is very condescending and reinforces stereotypes. It doesn’t even shed light on some of their good traits, like always having fresh brötchen for you on a Sunday morning.
Very poor choice of guest writers.
Absolutely true. As a German man I can only offer unsolicited dick picks as a compensation. Sad.
Liebe Redaktion ist das euer Ernst?
Liebe Alix, es könnte rassistisch, dumm und oberflächlich sein, wenn es nicht so armselig wäre. Bevor du auf das Hollywood-Cliché des brüllenden Amtsdeutsch hereinfällst und die Sprache verteufelst, versuche es doch mal mit Arno Schmidt (und seinen ungemein pornografischen Satzzeichen…! in z.B. Seelandschaft mit Pocahontas) oder Lyrik von Rilke, Heine oder auch dem Zeitgenossen Tobias Roth, die mit Charme, Liebreiz, Feinheit und Anmut nicht sparen, und suche dir jemanden, mit dem du glücklich bist.
https://verlagshaus-berlin.de/wp-content/uploads/importedProductImages/aus-waben-image-7.jpg
Dating a German man: never had a more passionate lover in my life!
FYI ….The biggest percentage of white people in the Unites States are GERMAN. I have been all oner the planet and one of the nicest places is… GERMANY. They are the Japanese of Europe. Like Japan, everything is so PERFECT. I love that.
To me that sounds more like poor taste in men than an actual description of German men.
I enjoyed a cultural variety myself and German men were not worse than any other. And damn, how beautiful German dirty talk can be. Much more visual and poetic than I experienced from English speakers btw – but still so dirty and teasing. And then all the crazy sex! Like, really wild and pretty much what dirty books are made of. Now that I think about it I have to say that the wildest sex experiences I had were all with German men. Maybe you didn’t dare to jump down the rabbit hole yet?
Well anyways, I wish you more luck with German men. There are some amazing ones out there…
German men are not fun generally speaking. If you want romance, fun, happiness, lightheartedness, love gifts, love letters and passion, I suggest you date men from pretty much any other nation.
The whole point is that we cant just generalize people over national stereotypes…I’m brasilian and I have been in a dating with a german guy by 2 years now and yes, there is not huge romance, noisy demonstrations of passion, he is not full sex drived as majority of brasilians men (what does not means that we dont have good sex together…it is quite delicious) and by these facts you could be feel turned off about him but by other side he is so compromissed with our relationship and always do his best to see me happy, our talks are interesting and we spend the whole day talking and talking and I can feel that he makes effort to see us going along and breaking the problems…after all I could found on him much more than I found in bra men that are theorically more apasionados and I’m happy.
yea, I have been in a relationship with a german for 4 years and it’s quitw disappointing sometimes. There’s just no passion and spontaneity. It’s true that they’re loyal and can give you good sex sometimes. But not always and not the way you need it. It’s like you have all you need but nothing beyond that. No excitement and no passion. Better look somewhere else.
After a few dates with German guys, googled ‘German guys sexual narcissist’ and got here. I tried my best not to be stereotypical but the similarities between my experiences with German guys are hard to ignore. I honestly enjoyed the article, but would still refrain from generalizing. I found them misogynists with porn style bedroom skills. Also, they don’t know how to be givers in bed, against almost everything that pleasures their partner. Totally incapable of being sensual and 100% focused on the physical mechanics of sex. Absolutely lacking any emotions, and best at sucking the life energy out of you as you treat them as human beings with body and soul while they fail to return the favor. And yes, they objectify women. They think touching curly hair is an experience, tend to forget blacks are just humans – can’t really understand why black is fetishized. This is just from my statistics and I did not want to be stereotypical at all, this is just my experience. I have dated German guys both online and from real life.
Somehow, I totally agree on what you have said about German guys. I’ve been recently left with a broken heart and in a state of deep depression by a German guy who lured me into his game with his flirtatious smile and then out of the sudden backed off. I find they are deprived of passion, somewhat passive, cold and fearful of intimacy and closeness. Well, this guy lives in Berlin so he’s into sex clubs and no commitment (il faut être absolument post-moderne! to paraphrase Arthur Rimbaud) though originally from Goettingen so not a true Berliner at all but an Americanized German expat. I will never ever fancy a German man again! I’ve learnt my lesson the hard way. I prefer Latin men with their passionate soul and their love for beauty.
I can’t exactly say I agree that you should never date a German man – being one myself, I can however see several of your points which I have to agree with.
Thanks for a good article – insightfull as always!
That not true at all german guys are better like any other man. If can’t say like this for them.
Ive lived here 8 years and German men ARE THE WORST. I find them emotionally cold in Berlin, they pretend to like you and they don’t actually get emotionally close. Its the most noncommittal city and its all because of GERMAN MEN. They waste girls time to just fuck. In my opinion I think they treat women badly because they are just so false.
Hahaha. Honestly you hit the nail on the head! I had/ still have a profile on an interracial dating website and my headline is “please I beseech thee, NO GERMANS”! Verbatim. I can only use one word to describe “Robotic”!
My observations are Germans both men and women are generally cold. Which has made it very difficult to interact or have any meaningful friendships with them. My advice is there is an element of truth and if you’re reading this rather than merely take offense introspect find areas to make adjustments. There are certain aspects of the German culture l have had to learn from which are recommendable but unfortunately interacting with Germans is a hurdle the conversations rarely flow naturally.
I love Germany very much ,I hope to get one.
I definitely don’t agree with your stance. I absolutely love German men. They may be a bit reserved and shy but once you spend time and get to know them they are lovely. They are deeper and mire beautiful than you think. I hope i can find a great German man. Will all ways luv them.
As a german woman who isn’t so eager of dating german, but rather foreigners, I can see where you are coming from. But I must admit, the fact that it probably a german man killed romance, is honestly the only reason that would make me considering dating them because the most forms of romance are just cringey in itself. But maybe that has alot to do with the german language. German is nothing romantic or suited for romance, however it can be good for sex (if you know how to seperate it from each other and still enjoy the sex), I think the best german lovesong I know is a rammstein song (it is I am not kidding, it is called Amour). German language is good for longing and pain, or for commands, so if you are fully for this girly bubbly concept of romantic love a german might be nothing for you, however if you are up for something very freaky, maybe somehow weirdly exciting and rather intellectually dirty you should go and try to find the right german guy.
souls …
As a half German, half Asian women having been born in Germany I agree on this article. When dating a German guy many times the fun is missing. There´s a lot of smartness and logical thinking but its a lot like a job interview.
There are some exceptions though, there are some pretty crazy Germans, most of them have also lived abroad or have more open personalities. But overall I get along better with mixed Germans or other nations because I need someone with lots of humour and adventurous in my life.
Haha, yeah I guess some of your points are valid. Better find another international living in Germany then.
This post is 4 years old…. but as a half german half colombian guy i can partly agree with all this stuff… germans especialy in berlin are like you described ,but the northgermans are in my eyes the most chilled in my opinion
Very delightful article =) German peeps are very special, but I think they have a good heart! I’m not a German myself, but I’ve lived here for more than 20 years, so I know them a good bit 😀
This article is so ridiculous
My German man is a hornball. But, a sweet and funny hornball. And very respectful. I turned down his advances and he was very sweet and patient. Never got angry and waited until I was ready. To each their own.
By the way I’m American dating German and just as I don’t agree with this post that all German men are this way. Don’t believe all Americans are this way.
Some german women are no better than some of the men.
Very dominant or even masculine acting and often arrogant.
Addicted only to their career and get bitchy if they don`t get their way.
German guys often like exotics and mixed-race women.
German women prefer to have relations with Orientals like Arabs and turkish men.
This is no secret.
You have very nice and very bad people in Germany, like everywhere in the world.
But overall I think a lot of the comments ring true, see no racism here.
As a foreigner born in Germany I experienced similar attitudes.
Even germans among themselves have difficulties, so it is much harder to fit with the crowd if you are from another country.
You always feel like the one never invited to the party.
They want to be a country of immigration like the USA, but they are not and will never be.
I can only say, yes it is just true. It is not racist or sexist, it is reality. German people in general are closed and strange. If you want to get connection on the street or even in a bar, it is just not working. Something, which is just normal in other countries. I will leave Germany, cause to find a nice guy here is just impossible and I am not the first person, who says that. If they are nice or a bit better looking, than there is another problem: oh no, a relationship, no, I want my freedom. Go to heal, German guys!
this is one of the most untrue things i have read, i am dating a german man for a long time now, an he is amazing, trustful, romantic, sweet, kind, very good at dirty talk and there is never any planning for the bedroom activity’s.
we are also never bored of either persons company.
my only complaint, is the germans do not really seem to understand sarcasm very well, but being irish, we use it a lot.
i myself am from Ireland, he is from Berlin.
I am wholeheartedly disgusted at this outrage of an article.
My experience of German men is that they are quite shy at first and humble. But once they get to know you they are warm and friendly. And when you are referring to them physically, lord above! They are extremely passionate, and they have the ability to flirt like a god.
I resent that you have painted all German men the same as a few messed up individuals, or projected your failings onto them. Maybe you should try growing up instead of making unfounded and generalised accusations.
Please German people do not think that all English and American people think the same. We don’t! I am English and have great respect and admiration for you.
I am from Africa, and I think the article sounds a bit true.
Not only British and American people commenting here.
You have to respect both negative and positive experience in life.
This post states clearly what English and American people think about Germans and Germany. The contempt by anglo-americans for germans is what we locals experience almost every day here in Berlin. We should get rid of these so-called expats as soon as possible and send them back to their shithole countries.
The article says the whole truth about dating German men. When I started dating my future husband 10 years ago, I was just thinking, no way I can have any relationship with this cold man without any feelings and humour. But I discovered another part of German men – honesty, sexuality, being a great father. Give German men a chance.
This article shows all the disrespect and contempt we germans have to bear every day since we have received so many expats and refugees over the last ten years. And you expect us to date you?!?. I’m have been married to my Iranian wife for almost twenty years and I was in a relationship with an Brazilian girl over more than five years. I never experienced such problems when dating women. You British, Irish and American expat-wanabees are all badly brought-up!!! Certainly you have never understood the “German Code”…
Dear American, British, Canadian, Australian and Irish Expats: You might have not noticed it at all, but over the last ten years the real Berliners have been escaping Berlin, because of this open hatred nursed by your side. These days all competent employees leave within six month when their company is aquired by an anglo-american investor we refer to as “Heuschrecke”. Before humilating the local men of your host country wouldn’t it be advisable to learn something about German culture and language? This “going to the colony” attitude is really disgusting and patronizing. Let us be blunt: Dear expats, go back to your shithole countries (I’m just refering to what has been officially said by your government). Or in other words: Not Germany, the US and the UK have to perish!
Alix! You have me CACKLING and hollering at 3 in the morning. I loved every minute of this and haven’t laughed this good in a long time. Thanks.
I don’t know whether you’re English or American, but I know as an American we are biased due to our upbringing. We are raised on fairytales and romantic comedies. Almost everything about England is tragic: the literature, television, film, weather, etc. Disney turned tragic endings into classic love stories with happy endings that make us swoon. Americans love happy endings. We root for happy endings more than eager clients at massage parlors run by A$!ans. We are emotive people. Even our introverts are emotive. So can you Germans blame US gals for wanting a bit of passion?!
A LOT of German men are VERY handsome and smart. Can you imagine if they didn’t possess the “personality” they have? There would barely be any single German man left to date! And I wouldn’t have had a therapeutic laugh reading this article. I feel terrible that I was banned on Tinder before I got to visit Germany a few years back. Look what comedy I missed out on.
I know misery needs company, and I had my fair share of “Ah, so it’s not just me that notices this when it comes to dating German men. Hm.” It breaks my heart to read Amalah and Anita’s comment. Unlike in the U.S., I am treated like a human being in Germany and I’ve never had to pay for a date with a German guy so I can’t say the phrase “Going Dutch” should be changed to “Going German” just yet. To treat them like a human with “Body and soul” without them returning favor. Ooh, I felt that. I too have a tendency to get my hopes up only for them to crash and burn. Though I have met warm-hearted German men and have wonderful flashbacks to delightful bedroom activities, they are few and far between. They’re usually too busy to communicate with. Who knows what would have happened had I hunkered down with one of them during lockdown. Oh well.
Reading the comments in defense of German men, they are described much like those on the spectrum. ASPERGIANS are loyal, robotic, lack spontaneity, and tell the truth even when it hurts. However, I know a helluva lot of German men who cheat on their partners. They’re like Frenchmen (but straight, you know) in that they’re not very open to telling you upfront they’re already attached. To the women claiming their German husbands are loyal and don’t cheat, Ha! You keep believing that, darling. Perhaps they have the best poker faces. I have received great gifts, so although some don’t practice loyalty, a couple of them do know what spontaneity is.
The Latin lover stereotype didn’t come out of nowhere. They have passion and soul that a lot of German men lack. Tales of Italian Stallions make us want to visit Rome. Englishmen and their hot accents spit quick-witted responses that keep us coming back to that dreary island they call the United Kingdom. I doubt this article is going to stop women from dating German men, so calm down all you dissenters.
I know a guy originally from West Germany who is as quick-witted as the English, has a sexy accent and he’s planning on moving to America. Yay! I’m sure he’d fit right in. I may even attempt to learn Deutsch again. Will I succeed? I won’t hold my breath. One thing’s for sure, if it were not for the pandemic, I might have been in Berlin again this year.
Looking for German lover older guy and we’re is that bar called kitkat
They are super cheap and try to pretend that is something else… after 4 years I’m done. I won’t date anymore German guys, I had enough!
I got here by accident and got intrigued by the title, wish I hadn’t read it. It’s poorly written and if that’s your idea of being funny then that’s even more sad. I don’t know where to begin (is it that lame dick joke bragging about how much countries you “invaded”?) or end. Because that text is just so lame and blatantly made up. The text screams: I’m trying so so hard to be an edgy, provocative and offending know it all chick. Guess what, you’re not! I really hope you’re more fun in bed than on paper cuz I’d feel bad for anybody dating you
OK folks I am now just 70 yrs old. Brit, been married for over 43 yrs to a Northern German guy.
What can I say? Simple really. No one is perfect. Compromise. Shit.. the compromise will haunt you through all married life. But that is how it is.
You will have good times and bad times with any partner. Make sure you both know you are looking in the same direction. Even then, you will trip up. Today I really despise my husband. He has got so fat. His thin grey hair is too long … he will not let me cut it. ( He thinks I might make him look like Boris Johnson).
I stumbled on this site because I am sad today losing yet another friend, another friend I could not say goodbye to. Then I think I have projected my anger of loss onto my husband .. we all deal with loss in strange ways.
We all get old in strange ways. If one finds humour, honesty, integrity .. punctuality.. go for it. Sex … I miss it. I am size 36 have a lot of hair on my head and decided to be authentic with silver grey????Spend most of my times these days in jeans. Have a wonderful selection of garments on my clothes racks. Will never ever wear all of them again… if a few.
Trust your gut instinct. Also easier if you can maintain being you, as you are, and can earn your money in the country you are in. Language, skills etc. First and foremost. You must love yourself. Live in an environment that nurtures you.
Ich date auch nur deutsche Frauen. Niemals Ausländerinnen. Logisch, oder?😅 vor allem keine Amerikanerinnen oder Briten, denn die flirten so Scheiße, dass sie mir nicht mal das Essen beim date und die drinks bezahlen. Pfui! Da spuck ich doch drauf. Ihr deutschen Männer. Kopf hochwertigen, ihr seid mehr wert! Nämlich ordentliche deutsche Mädel!
Ich hoffe mal, ich darf mich jetzt auch mit Ironie und Sarkasmus herausreden wie der blogautor 😬😬😬😬😬😬
Cheap men. They want to be the princess in the relationship. Femenine men. Rude men. German women must be the masculina and they are so desperate that they accept 50 /50 in a relationship. Nah. After 10 years trying it, i quit. Fuck you german “men”. You dont deserve to have a woman on your side!
I’m an American Woman who has a relationship with an Amazing Germany man for a year now. He’s Romantic,Funny, Honest, and just all around a man of your dreams. I guess I am very Blessed. He’s very open with his feelings and a very passionate man. So, let’s not bash these German Men. Don’t judge them all on a few bad apples.
Hello Jeanne, maybe you could explain to the German readers of the article what is funny and interesting about its content? I think many Germans do not understand the text properly, because for them it seems like a single insult. The article has caused a lot of hatred and contempt among the German population towards foreigners. As a recruiter, I hear more and more often from German applicants that they definitely do not want to work for an Anglo-American company in Berlin because they fear being insulted and discriminated against. As Germans, they no longer feel comfortable in their own city and are withdrawing from the international community. For this reason, even renowned international companies have problems finding German employees, while German companies hardly ever complain about staff shortages. To me, the content of the article seems to show very clearly how little the British and Americans actually value Germany.
German women can be totally the same though. I recall internet dating in Germany – I got so sick of that tedious Eiskönigin insecurity. The weird thing was that some of these women were actually keen on a second date. I just couldn’t figure it out, how someone can not even smile and then think there was chemistry. Gimme warm insecurity over cold insecurity any day of the week, please, because life is just too short. That said, I’ve been happily in a relationship for seven years now with a German woman, and she’s a lovely warm empathetic person, which is nice.
I’m Asian and I love German men. I don’t share the negative sentiment (or outright hatred) of Anglophone people towards Germans/Germany.
As an Asian, I can totally relate to what the Berliners are saying in the comments section. Anglo-Saxon expats/tourists are always complaining about everything and the locals. Disrespecting & disparaging my country all the time, rarely willing to respect local cultures. This is why I choose to date men from non-English-speaking countries, they’re kinder & more sensitive.
I too have been discriminated against at American companies/organisations in my country. They barge into the country, but only treat American citizens like Kings & treat the locals like 2nd class citizens in our own country. It’s disgraceful.
I cannot believe that you lumped all german men into one category. I am in a very loving, passionate relationship with the most wonderful, loving, most complimenting, generous romantic man I have ever met. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t tell me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me and he does this several times a day and in between when he has a minute at work, he will text me just to tell me hello and he’s thinking of me and can’t wait to get home. He is my heart and soul and always will be. How dare you be so racist. You must be a miserable person to bash german men so badly.
WOW! your got yourself unlucky with a German guy that won’t tolerate games. Given how common for you to date random guys as you travel I guess you met the one that knows and respects himself which pisses you off.
Online dating? Of course you’ll always come short as MOST decent people aren’t on dating sites.
Interesting column. I’ve dated German women who could have written one exactly like yours. Or perhaps even worse. I’ve loved German women seemingly forever. Die deutsche Frauen bleiben immer noch im meinen Herzen. But one German woman who was so down on German men eventually betrayed me with a German man who was married and constantly sleeping around with other women. (Was that her attraction?). I believe she thought she would be “the one”. I believe what I had was exotic and enjoyable for a while fun. But we humans can get used to anything, even things we claim not to like or even hate. Perhaps she just wanted to go back “home”. Der Ami fehlt irgendwas?
Ok I’ve found this article randomly and now it really left me speechless. Do you even know what you’re talking about? Seriously! Have you even thought about the things you’ve written before sharing it with the whole world? I guess you didn’t… Because that’s one of the worst argumentative structures I’ve ever seen in a public article. I mean are you serious? Because a german guy disgusted you with a weird fetish, no ability to satisfy you and absolutely unromantic, unsexy and repulsive behaviour and you’ve heard same stories by other people dating german guys, it means all german men are this cringy? I really don’t want to attack you but how dare you lumping all german men together like this? It’s a completely inappropriate way of argumentation. But to be honest, I’m sorry for your revolting experience with german men. I am really sorry for these off-putting men you’ve dated in the past. But this absolutely don’t entitles you to spread those unnecessary warnings to all readers. You’re recommending innocent girls and women out there not to date german men because YOU and SOME OTHERS had disgusting experience with dating men from Germany? Well, of course it’s not my intention to negate the fact that these vile men exist but that’s a small amount and you’ll find those weird one’s in every country… believe me. Also the chance to get the man you want via contacting random men on dating plattforms is not very high. Furthermore, as a human being you have no influence on the fetish you have got and to end up… do you really think all german males have a thing or feet??? Come on, please think about what you said and change your way of arguing because that’s stretching it way to far!
“Let us be honest: Who likes german men, the least attractive men in the world? They are racists, killers by birth, criminals, the scum of the earth to be blunt. They are responsible for 60-80 million people killed in the last century. I think we should establish new concentration camps for all of them and let them perish. All problems would be solved. Or let us make them our slaves. Nobody will ever miss them. No women will cry for them. German women prefer foreign men, who are superior. They adore us, the americans and british, not the uggly germans. GERMAN MEN MUST PERISH!!!”
Holy shit, That is the most racist shit I’ve heard in my life. These people need to be locked in a mental ward.
As a non-German (latino) man living in Germany, I can say that, that’s exactly what I have heard from all the married-to-german-men women with whom I have affairs. I just want to deeply thank the german men that (thanks to their total lack of sexual feeling) allow me to have such a diverse and amazing sex life with their wives.
As a German man who has also lived in Spain and Latin America, I must counter No One’s comment by saying that I have had very beautiful relationships with women from Latin America, even though I am German. A Brazilian woman who had very beautiful breasts thanked me for my praise and intense sensory appreciation of them, not without adding that one of her former Brazilian lovers had recommended that she have her breasts enlarged. Even more extreme was the case of a Colombian woman whom I had to set her pulse, so to speak, during the night – a procedure whose explanation would be of clearly pornographic content. In my assessment, which is certainly not scientific but rather practically based, Latinos do not know how to properly set their women’s pulses or really appreciate their assets. Also, the Colombian woman told me how she was raped by one of her former boyfriends in the open street after he had drugged her. So I think German men are not as bad as it is suggested here. We are perhaps a little less pompous and more reserved.
These comments rather show why German men are too good for foreign women
Seems a bit harsh tbh. I’ve dated several German men and am currently married to one, and while he’s perhaps not exactly a “lating lover” he’s a really great man; kind, sweet and great with our kids.
So let me instead say this; you absolutely SHOULD date a German man!
It’s so cringe to live in Germany and read expats who also live here slagging it off!!
It’s also cringey when people reply to call you a racist but then go on to say how terrible English men are. How does that work?
It is true! And I am a very well experienced 38 year old german Woman 🙂
My solution: I only sleep with very young guys, they are different. They make everything what you want,( are beautiful af), cause it is a vibe right now, within the young guys that they like strong, dominant women more.
Happy life!
Same, I dated both German
Men and women and it was such a bad experience. The awkwardness is just overpowering. Some still have a strange attitude as if they are better than you. It is funny I even went once for a date with a German who lived abroad for a long time and still German will never be anything else than German. Cold, so practical that I IKEA seems like the MOma museum next to them. And also sooo damn cheap and stingy. Any other country but Germany.
German men are mostly boring,plain, not much conversation, have not a clue how to seduce a woman. Only think about working, buy a bigger car, football, beer. They do not appreciate women, chauvinistic kind of men. They are stingy, on first dates, they will not invite you or bring you home. No fantasy, no interesting hobbies, no sense of style, no culture, no sense of humour, have not conversation skills, are not talkers. Are smelly (taking showers is a more American decadence). They have no charm nor a heart. Please, do youself a favor and do not date them, they are not worth your time and your love.
Does this trash get more racist!?and why do you have to be so harsh. Can’t you just keep that trash for yourself!?!And not every german men is the SAME you hear that SAME as the men that you dated!They are who they are! so keep it for yourself racist!
and really can’t you keep that bullshit for yourself. when Germans see this article. well shame on you racist!
why if you hate Germans for dating. you keep your trash article with you and leave the community.people like you give birtish or American whatever you are a very bad rep. and what I find crazy is you post such insulting stuff on a website named iheartberlin. I really don’t get it. if you were trying to be funny it didn’t work on alot of Germans thing to find a a partner. I hope you make you made the Germans happy with this what I would call a insulting article for Germans. and from my side Germans are PERFECT you guy that said the same as Alix are just unlucky
First of all german man seems to be very selfish and split ale bills
How about you become a decent human being first and then try again? Not before you do so will you be entitled to any judgement, pitiful polemicist…
My first love is from Germany. He has high education, very romantic , very generous, very attractive. He is the best man I ever met . I will spend as much time I could with him if the time can go back. He is my in heart forever. I will miss him until I die . Wish I can be his wife next life.
You’re overgeneralizing. As a german woman, who’s dated some german men, yes they cam/tend to be more careful and not so quick to assume things. They ask. This to me means they care enough to make sure you’re confortable. I’d rather have that than some careless, selfish Brit or American who obly has sex on the brain. Yes, i’m married now to an American man, luckly he’s an Ausnahme 🙂
Loved this article! Much fun to read through the comments, too…and I agree. They are tricky, looking good shell but not much to offer.
Terrible article that just jumps on the anti-white bandwagon.
German men are great. Austrians are even better. I personally would never date a black or a brown person. See we all have our preferences.
Hilarious and can so relate to this! I happened to meet two German guys this year. No Tinder, both academics, although arguably both from the nerdy side of science, which could also explain the surprises that followed. Number 1 invited me to his hotel bed after only one day of work meetings incl lunch and dinner all in the presence of a bunch of other new colleagues. Surprisingly I did not feel harassed at all, because if he had had a tail he would have wagged his a**e off asking me. After my flabbergasted initial refusal, something developed in the weeks after, in which soon I was served with images of him in full arousal, accompanied indeed by said monkey (and even the request not to feel shocked :-))! I actually took it as an apologetic statement and found it quite cute. However, this handsome guy was already taken and even though not happily so, it was not a good idea. Number 2 I met soon after and was clearly impressed with me. 3 Months of regular chat conversation followed, in which he would sometimes tell me what he was planning to do with me as soon as we would be together (in decent Latin of course) and sometimes be as formal as an Ausländerbehörde bureaucrat. However, when he cancelled our date for the second time because he agreed to see his mother that weekend, I gave up.
All in all these were interesting times, where indeed a certain lack of smoothness in communication seemed to be the major theme. Not as offputting as the author of this blog claims, but then again, being Dutch and using the word “geslachtsverkeer”, I guess we can relate a bit more. (Going Dutch of course never will be an issue…)
On a final note; please please people, try to find your sense of self-deprecation and humour, that gives us so much more dignity than this outrage in some responses…
Same thing for German women, an Italian guy in my work place, lived in Germany 30 years, he told me that German women don’t stay with you, at some point they get bored and want to change, he told me to get a Russian or a woman from east Europe or Latino girl, they are a wife materials.
Relationship with a German woman is like a competition not a collaboration and sharing, she like to take control and obssesed with feminism.
Actually, he is right, because I saw some old friends who were married to German women, 80% got divorced after 5 to 10 years and it was too late for them to get into a new relationship moreover, it gets more complicated if you have a children.
So be careful before you decide to have a child from a German woman.
German guys are also aware of that, they prefer to go with other nationalities (Asia, Latino, Italian) because they know the amount of shit they are going to have with a German women on the long term relationship.
Thanks for sharing this
Also some (not all) Anglos in here need to lay off their cultural superiority complex. Just because YOU think something’s weird or you don’t understand something about the culture doesn’t entitle you to humiliate us and demand we change. Your suicide rate is more than 2x as high as ours, just saying. So I think we’re doing something right.
I know I’m happier in Germany than in your pretentious shithole country
German men: you have a friendly conversation once and exchange social media, and they proceed to call you 5 times in the next 24 hours, text you 10 times, ask “wo bist du? was machst du?” and get angry when you don’t respond. Clingier and angrier than men in any other country. They will act desperate and entitled and then be angry at you for not finding it attractive.
I am in stitches. German woman, 64 years old, two long marriages with Brits over 38yrs and girl, you’re so right. Nothing more boring than German men and looking at those around my age,well, I’d rather become a Nun or Lessie. They write shit like nice house, garden and new kitchen to offer, stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. Lol
I am Malaysian dating a German man. He is the best! Highly educated, caring, kind, passionate, a great conversationalist, thoughtful and truly the best sex I have ever had. True, they are a little slow when it comes to their courting game but once you are in, you are in. They are direct and honest with everything, no mind games and I LOVE that! I have never felt this understood and so loved by anyone else I have dated before so I truly hope you find what you are looking for.
I met a German man in California and we lasted for almost 4 years. I loved this man so much but he was pure evil. He was an alcoholic, narcissistic, cheap, sociopath and racist.
I came to the conclusion that I lasted 4 years with him because I was trying to save this beautiful man and yet evil. I’m so blessed he is not longer in my life.
I’m writting this wit the sole intention to share my stories but I still believe German men are so hot. I’m meeting another German guy from Berlin tomorrow. Hope he is the one.