Falling in Love with a Hedonist

photo: Kristian van Kuijk

Trying to perfect the art of dating in Berlin, I’ve met different, recurring types of men and fell for them over and over again. One of them being the hedonist. You might have come across this beautiful creature as well. What makes him special is his way of not just being a stranger until your paths cross, but instead staying one until after you have had an intense encounter. Soaked up by the colors, lights, the music and parties, influenced by drugs and a never ending fear of missing out, he is feeling driven, always feeling the urge to experience more, more more. The hedonist came to Berlin to indulge life, to consume it. For him you will never be enough. Not because you are insufficient, or because he doesn’t care enough about you, but simply, because he wants so much, he wants it all. All the feelings, the euphoria of the first touch, the pain of hurting each other, the violence, the intense sex, the heartbreak and the comfort. By never giving you everything or entirely opening up, he will always leave you wanting more, giving you an inside into his emotional distress.

Living to the fullest is the hedonist’s way of filling an emptiness inside, a numbness, which makes him become hungry for your love, attention and acknowledgement, without being able to give back much of that. He isn’t even doing this consciously, or on purpose, but simply out of desire. You will be one of the things he consumes besides the music, drugs and the wild nights. Go along with it and enjoy the intensity. You will experience the most amazing and unsuspected things, so accompany him along his ride for a while and stop the train before it crosses a border.

The video Bright Lights Berlin by Kristian van Kuijk shows one of those hedonist boys, who takes a stroll through the city, to the beautiful soundtrack of Shirley Bassey’s Nature Boy. This short movie about“ a boy wandering the lonely mornings of Berlin” captures just the essence of this kind of dating situation. The kind where you watch your subject of desire from afar, can’t believe how beautiful, how exciting it is. Always realising that you can never really get close, because the hedonist walks Berlin on his own, lost in his world of perception.

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