Turning your Love Affair to Berlin into a Relationship

We all have a story we cannot wait to share, of how we met and fell head over heels with Berlin. Arriving here for the first time, with no mental images or expectations in mind, I found myself observing every little thing in awe: cultures from every corner of the globe coexisting in such an interesting, diverse way, the insane nightlife which often becomes  night-and-the-next-day-and-the-next-nightlife, its tolerance of everything that’s different or doesn’t fit in; all freaks find a safe haven here.I liked its chillness and its vibe, and finally was like, I’ve nothing to lose, I’ll date Berlin for a while; and it’s not until I had to leave that I felt magnetized,the thought in my head being: I keep thinking about Berlin. Maybe  I should  call Berlin again.

It’s not once or twice one hears this story: ‘I visited Berlin and fell in love with it.’ ‘Wow, Berlin! Such a good time I definitely wanna go back there!’ But where is the line actually being drawn between, Berlin was a good one night stand, and Berlin being the One? As in every relationship, an evaluation has to take place. Of course, choosing this partner often means leaving a lot of your previous life behind; and dealing with the unfamiliarity of it can be a pain too: the language, the lifestyle, the pace of the city can all be factors to discourage you. But how can you go on, knowing you’ve found something so special, but you’re too afraid? As Monica did before marrying Chandler, you have to weigh the pros and cons.

How well do we click?

A thousand examples of couples can prove that it’s different to sleep with with somebody, even on the regular, and a whole different story letting them into your house, your personal space, and eventually live with them. Both your peculiarities are sure to lock horns at some point or another; and that’s where this question comes in: Can you see past that? Do you truly connect on every level, making what you have different than every other city that has come in your life so far; so that when the bad times come, you’re ready to make compromises.

Do I see a future for me and Berlin?

Would it be possible that I am I losing my time?  Is Berlin too emotionally fucked up to commit? You have to look ahead of your infatuation, past Berlin’s sexiness that has you daydreaming about it at work. Beside all the fun you have together in the moment, do you see yourself there? Does the lifestyle fit you and do you fit in the lifestyle? How would you see yourself with Berlin on a long term basis, past the brain damaging partying – these are all very important questions to be considered.

Do the times Berlin makes me happy outnumber the times it doesn’t?

Granted, Berlin can smell like piss and alcohol more often than you care to tolerate. As every other thing in life, Berlin isn’t only rosy. After the first months’excitement you are going to notice all the bad things. And that’s what you need to weigh, and decide: can I live with everything bad that comes with loving Berlin, and still feel I’m winning?

Do our tastes match?

Come on, that’s an easy one in favor of Berlin, because it literally has everything. I mean if you could bond over your love for techno it would be great, but not necessary. Even if you’re not the stereotype of a Berliner, the all-black-wearing, all-weekend-partying, popping-pills-like-tictacs kind of person, Berlin still has your back, still has open arms, offering you every activity your heart desires, besides what it’s mostly known for.

Can Berlin love me well? Can it be there for me when I need it?

Finding a place to stay seems impossible and entails many desperate hours of copy-pasting on WG Gesucht, landing a job is too hard, let alone a satisfying one which is even harder, and the weather is shit on a percentage of 85% of the time; these can all be moments when you’ve felt alone and unloved. But  Berlin has loved you since day one and somehow will be there for you when no one else is. Except if it’s something to do with its bureaucracy: then i’m sorry buddy, you’re alone in it.

These pros and cons have been occupying my brain since 2013, when B and I first met. It took 4 long years, doubts and second thoughts, multiple affairs with other cities trying to substitute my true love; But having finally made the decision to invest in this long love affair, what I can say so far is: t’s hard, and crazy, and intimidating, and scary, and so so so rewarding.

Diesen Artikel auf deutsch lesen.

<a href="https://www.iheartberlin.de/author/stella/" target="_self">Stella</a>