illustrations: Berk Karaoglu.
Berlin without its nightlife is like a bath with no bubbles. In other words, we won’t stand for it. And since nocturnal establishments of all kinds have been closed for weeks now, one just has to get creative. But what else can you do to channel that party animal other than perfecting your dance moves to a United We Stream DJ set? Well, aren’t we glad you asked!
If you catch a curious neighbor lurking from behind their curtains, you could surprise them with a little window striptease. Sometimes you’re just two buttons away from really giving back to the community.
Regardless whether you’re a darkroom regular or never made it past the threshold, there’s no time like the present to transform your home into the sex cave of your dreams. Just make sure you have your landlord’s permission before drilling any (glory) holes!
Club Outfit Night Run
This one’s for all those quarantine athletes out there: fight your nightlife nostalgia AND sweat out extra calories on your next run simply by wearing your club outfit! Nothing’s as versatile as latex.
Preparing elaborate cocktails from späti-bought ingredients is a lesson in both mixology and resourcefulness. You get bonus points for crafting cocktail umbrellas from cigarette filtres and toothpicks!
Zoom Party to the (Time)Limit
Berlin is famous for partying to the max! And it has never been as easy: no queues, no bouncers, no falling asleep on the Ring on your way back. Just make a call with all your friends on the free version of Zoom and drop that beat. The party will get abruptly ended by Zoom after 40 minutes, but the memories will last forever.
Balcony DJ Set
Boost your DJ career by throwing an impromptu rave for the passersby. As a precaution, you can ask your flatmate to call the police in case no grumpy old neighbor does – cause if the police don’t end it, it was never a rave.
Becoming a club promoter in Minecraft and filling up the virtual version of Berghain might incidentally also help you fill out the empty void in your heart that the temporary closing of Berlin’s techno church created.
Taking a long break from clubbing might result in losing some of your nightlife swaggers. Why feel awkward on the dancefloor when you can systematically practice your moves in the mirror while streaming a banging DJ setlist from United We Stream?
Nightclub Home Makeover
If setting up a darkroom in your house is too much, you still might wanna go for a nightclub home makeover. It’s minimal effort, really: simply get a bunch of disco lights and sprinkle some confetti where the dancefloor should be. Getting your toilet dirty enough might take a while, but hey – you don’t have to aim for the standards of Griessmuehle!
Wine Tasting On The Phone
Calling up your friends as you’re both exploring the contents of your wine pantries is truly a feast for the senses and imagination! Just try to make sure someone hangs up before you both fall asleep.