photo: Bierlos on flickr
Madhouse Berlin: Therapy session nr. 7
You carnivorous maggots in human form, you insatiable grasshoppers with legs instead of wings and eyes instead of aerials. Your chewing tools are brutal as they devour this town in which we live. Your greed is eating away our stores, our work, our flats. Where we would be undemanding, you want to tear the last fling of flesh from the ribcage of this town… Your illness is the megalomania. The type-size 42 on your newspaper will soon be telling you, that without another Alexa, a bigger O2World, and a higher hotel bunker you won’t be happy any more with Berlin. Your god’s names are MAXI, MEGA or SUPER. I call you the Insatiables.
Read on in German for more superlatives. Read on…
by Claudio | Stories
photo: Shirin K. A. Winiger
Madhouse Berlin: Therapy Session Nr. 4
Some new readers of us may wonder what this bullshit here is all about. I started this little series of articles last summer but had no chance or no spirit to continue them properly. But here I am writing about some serious problems a lot of Berliners have and don’t even really know about. Some of you may think of it as a bad habbit, but I am telling you that cliché-thinking is more than that. Why I think you should better cure your serious malignous disease and how to protect yourself from these people out there after the jump.
Read on…
by Claudio | Stories
clocks by Stefan Strumbel
Madhouse Berlin – Therapy Session Nr. 3
You think the Ku Klux Clan is scary? Well, then you’ve never met the Cuckoos Clan here in Berlin. The members of this clan are the scary cuckoo’s children. These people prefer to find an easy way into your nest rather than building one of their own. Tips on how to recognise them, classify them to ensure that us little birdies still get our life-supply of worms and more funny clocks from Stefan Strumbel after the cheep!
Read on…
by Claudio | Stories
Illustration: Fernando Vicente
Madhouse Berlin: Therapy Session Nr.2
The Problem with “Aunt Agony” or self-help columns is that even the cool ones deal with the topic of love. So here we are and before you start telling me about your evil ex-boy- or girlfriend who broke your heart fucking the much younger and horny trainee, you should know that this time I want to focus my attention on a certain kind of Berliner who is unable to love. This inability may be one of the most dangerous infections and so to warn all you innocent virgin readers how not to end up in a world of senseless promiscuity and sex crazed-addiction, I collected some useful insights for you after the jump.
Read on…
by Claudio | Stories
Photo: America’s Next Topmodel
Madhouse Berlin – Therapy Session Nr. 1
Talent Vomiting – cited as one of the most rare psychiatric diseases around the world – is very often found in places like Berlin. Others have already described it as Multitalent Disorder or even as Multitalentose, meaning the profusion of too many talents, but these are not the right terms I would use to describe this particular ‘Berlin problem’. When other cities would enjoy an opulence of abilities and talents and thrive from it, in Berlin it just gets wasted. This ‘ability’ to expunge is what I will call Talent Vomiting from now on as indication for such talent waste. Find out more about this repugnant disease after the jump.
Read on…
by Claudio | Stories
I recently saw a disturbing 19th Century quote on the U-Bahn-TV which was a line from a song by Austrian composer Franz von Suppè that went: “You are crazy my child, you better go to Berlin!” How convenient is that? Since the 19th Century, Austrians and probably the rest of Germany have been spreading their propaganda to drive crazy people to Berlin. There must be some international conspiracy led by pharmaceutical multinationals wanting all the crazy people centralised here in Berlin, so as not to “contaminate” the rest of the population. It’s bad enough that we have the aliens here, now we have the nuts to be worried about as well.
We’re lucky enough that a big part of our iHeartBerlin.de office are psychologists – even if a lot of them are in need of psychiatric help themselves. Well, as one of the “healthy” ones, I am declaring war on this entire nuthouse! Therefore, starting today, I will start disclosing all hidden psychiatric disorders that Berliners have and I promise you that there are more than enough skeletons in Berlin closets to uncover.
So under the title Madhouse Berlin you’ll find the shocking truth about Berlin’s crazy inhabitants, which will hopefully entertain rather than scare you. By the way, I believe this city would be so much less appealing without it’s nutty inhabitants.
by Claudio | Stories
