Is everyone on a love diet now? Love is treated in a similarly small-minded way, like the pleasure of giving gifts, which has fallen into disrepute for years.
People are just as stingy with love as they are with everything else. The only exception is self-love. It seems one can’t be generous enough when it comes to this topic. Charity and romantic love are often left to starve. Everyone goes to therapy, but hardly anyone does voluntary work.
Why isn’t this a trend? The answer to this question is usually that only those who love themselves can love others. But how strange it is, that I know so many people who are very happy with themselves but treat others with anything but love and empathy. And then again there are those who are on first-name terms with their inner demons, who destroy themselves with sadness and contempt and at the same time manage to sacrifice themselves for others and treat their counterparts with understanding and tenderness. And then there is the subject of romance…
My lover and my beloved became “my partner”. The only way to top this is with the horrible term “my current life partner” because the idea of the one and only true love no longer exists. Every civil servant’s dream has become true because finally, everything is standardized, everything can be categorized – clear rules, clear language – but please don’t be too romantic.
It is agreed that Shakespeare is to blame for the fact that we romanticize love and have completely unrealistic expectations of it. To demonstrate your love with grand gestures or gifts is passé- even worse – it is likely to be declared a toxic trait, because how can a person allow so much emotion?
Everyone knows exactly what green and red flags are.
If then this rational, loveless love does break up, one browses through a catalogue of humans on dating apps with a “do” and “don’t” list and decides based on height, body weight, talents, profession, and general presentation whether this could be a person who will optimize one’s life. I don’t see a big difference between this and a cattle market.
Everyone has a list ready and knows exactly what green and red flags are.
“Toxic patterns” are recognized on the first date, only to quickly cross the person off the list of potential “current life partners.”
If one still feels attracted to someone, but unfortunately, they seem to have toxic traits, one quickly gets rid of this sentimentalism, because it’s probably just hormones anyway.
Everyone is working hard to stop being a disorganized attachment type, insecure-ambivalent attachment type, or insecure-avoidant attachment type and everyone wants to hit the jackpot, to meet or become a secure attachment type.
Does all of this sound a bit cynical? Of course, it does! But someone must call it out as it is.
We desperately need romance and passion in this bleak world, which confronts us with so much unpleasantness and horror every day anyway. And with all this bland pragmatism, one thing is overlooked: Love is one of the most irrational and therefore one of the most beautiful and greatest emotions of mankind.
Supposedly normal people finally release their beautiful beast that lies within them when it comes to love. Consumed with longing, raging with disappointment but also melting away with devotion, affection, greatness, and well…-love.
We desperately need romance and passion in this bleak world…
A person in love, no matter how prudish and boring they may have been yesterday – today they sparkle with passion and generosity. Some people put their careers on the line, would give up everything to experience a wild romance, or to give true love a chance.
People leave their homes, fall out with their families, spend their last penny and, without hesitation donate their kidney to let the person close to their heart know – no obstacle, no ego, and no problem is too big to overcome.
Those who love deeply rise and the well-being of the other suddenly becomes more important than their own. Of course, there is no guarantee that all this devotion will end with a fairytale end. You can give everything, risk everything, and still get your heart broken. I know from experience how painful heartbreak can be and yet I wouldn’t want to miss it if I had to forfeit the deep emotional level that you can reach when you love deeply. For me, cynicism is not the frustration of the lack of romance and the desire for a full life, but those who don’t believe in it.
I ask myself: where are the life gourmets? The ones who explode with emotion, with lust for real life, who get drunk with profundity and accept the hangover, which, like any decent intoxication, awakens a supposedly strange side in you and leaves you confused, because the alienation from conformist existence was worth it. Those who want to feed on real experiences, impressions, feelings, and adventures until they burst.
A cynic is someone who wants to explain love scientifically and treats life like a to-do list.
Nothing of importance comes without danger.
Or is the dream of the emotion deniers very close and will we all be in a relationship with a perfectly programmed robot? An emotionally cold something that can’t hurt you.
Jealousy, anger, sadness: all these nasty monsters are part of showing how special and great love is. Nothing of importance comes without danger.
Just like the desire for a life that bends under the weight of experiences. Without taking risks, you shouldn’t expect much.
The idea that we will soon be living largely in a virtual world, locked up in our homes and refuse to experience real adventures is perhaps the fantasy of people who want to live from smoothies that contain all the important nutrients they need to live. But not to the gourmets who expect life to be a seven-course meal.
So let’s tear down the protective wall that we have built for ourselves because it is impossible to reach the highest of emotions with these. Life wants to be lived, emotions want to be felt and love wants to be treated in a loving way.
* * *
Text: Marie Trankovits, Photo: Alexander Krivitskiy, Jonas Tebbe
