Why Orgies are My Favorite Form of Self-Care in Berlin

photos: Vismante Ruzgaite. 

Paying more attention to self-care has definitely become one of the more positive signs of our times. And while the common definition of this concept keeps on expanding in a process fueled by sharing personal experiences, I thought I’d add my two cents by talking about a particular routine that only Berlin has enabled me to truly discover and embrace. What’s the greatest self-love of all, to paraphrase Whitney’s everlasting hit? Going to orgies, if you ask me.

Now, just to narrow it down a little bit – this is not a Berghain darkroom story.  Although commonly associated with sexual liberation, the techno scene is not my cup of tea at all. Frankly, I’m not too sensitive to any particular sonic stimuli. When I’m at a sex party, I couldn’t care less about the DJ unless he has an exceptionally big cock. Another popular characteristic of classic Berlin parties that I don’t tolerate is the presence of drugs. Trust me, I know what I came for when I arrive at an orgy – and I do want to be sober when I get it. Also, the nasty repercussions of too much substance in one’s system are a definite turn-off. And so is the dress code at parties that require you to brace yourself for standing in a long queue. At an orgy, where that’s usually not the case, my libido can actually suffer some minor damage when exposed to a sight of a pretty girl who’s left her high heels at home.



Such preferences have eventually led me to the abundant kingdom of Berlin swinger clubs. To me, it’s really an umbrella term, because all of those places are so different, even depending on a particular night. I’ve learned to filter them through the common denominator of an orgy. My favorite self-care ritual is having sex with multiple people at once. Some could find it strange, but I’ve come to realize that it’s actually easier for me to focus on my needs then than during one-on-one intercourse. I’ve experimented with going to different kinds of sex parties with partners, and I gradually saw that although I sometimes enjoy company, I just can’t find a substitute for the liberating and life-affirming act of going to an orgy on my own. 

I could say that making orgies a part of my schedule has positively translated into other areas of my life as well. Although I’ve had a few happy relationships in my life, the Berlin singlehood has definitely been my most rewarding time. And in hindsight, I can see that breaking off my engagement a few years back was worth taking the chance of being able to redefine my sexual needs and fearlessly pursue them. That being said, I think going to a sex party can be a great experience for anyone, even a monogamous couple. So see you out there some time – if you’ve got the guts.  It has to be your own choice. Anyway, by now you should know that I’m obviously not going to try and persuade anyone. I like it when it’s more for me!


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