5 Types of Lost Berliners That Need to Get It Together

illustrations: Berk Karaoglu

There are certain typical Berlin problems that we have seen too many times; too many fresh starts that just ended in a year of doing nothing, too many conversations about amazing, innovative, entrepreneurial projects that were never realized. We’ve heard too many stories about dating neuroses and complaints about being single, the weather, tourists, gentrification or life in general. Even if there’s NOTHING to complain about! Yes, Berlin is the destination for procrastination but it’s 2017 y’all! Let’s make it the year we all start to get it together! Especially, if you relate to one or more of the following 5 shortcomings.

The Eternal Student

So, first you’re a trainee in marketing, but half a year later you realize that product placement goes against your own moral code or something. So, you find out that you’re really into people. So naturally, you start a degree in anthropology. But then, you find out it’s actually a lot of reading, and you don’t like reading. Another year later, and many missed lectures later, you realize you don’t like people as much… maybe something with objects? Art history? You like art! Yes! But then, that dude in some bar tells you there’s loads of jobs in graphic design. Wait, is that like drawing and stuff? You like drawing! YES! Let’s do that! One half finished bachelor degree later you have the sudden realization that you’re training for a job that’s based on sitting in front of a computer all day… And, you don’t really like sitting… nor computers, so you think about changing to… Hunny, get it together! Deep down you know all you wanna do is work in a tiny flower shop, arranging bouquets all day, …and that’s totally FINE! Just do it already!


The Lost Soul

We love Berlin’s international side! You can meet people from all around the world here and that’s fabulous. However, there is a repetitive storyline when it comes to young Berlin expats nowadays. Stories that mostly involve impermanent employment histories, insomnia and substance abuse. And, you should not get this wrong, it’s fine to have a few months, even a year of recklessness in a new city. No better place to just let it all go than Berlin. But, there is a time and a place for everything. And if it’s just a never ending narrative of: “I didn’t wanna go out this weekend … but then I woke up Monday morning and didn’t know where I was and what happened since Friday” … Gurl c’mon, give yourself a break, get some focus, or maybe start a proper detox… because if you keep on doing what you’re doing, you have to move back to someplace real boring at some point. As your grandfather’s savings account is all used up… and you don’t want that do you?


The Aimless Creative

And then there is this one…  We can say nothing against being a creative, it is essentially how these words came together. Berlin is a hub for creatives from all over the world in various fields. But this creative hub makes people also make up a lot of BLAH BLAH BLAH about themselves. As seemingly, every second person we meet in a bar or club is some kind of artist, a writer, a designer, who also occasionally DJs and models. Which is super cool but it just becomes kinda odd when you then find out that the respective person has been working as a bartender the last 3 years. And the most creative project he or she has accomplished is putting together an enjoyable Spotify Playlist. Which, again, is totally fine! Go earn your coins in that bar or in a call center. We all have annoying jobs sometimes but could you stop babbling about your project that’s gonna start real soon and your current situation is only temporary when all you do in your free time is ‘netlix and chill‘… Babble when it’s actually happening, until then:  We enjoy the silence… Thank you.


The Complaining Berliner

Another example we all know too well, the Berliner who finds flaw in everything. In everything? You might ask. In everything, I shall reply. When it’s cold, it’s too cold and why is it always cold? Oh, if Berlin was a little warmer it would have everything – When it’s hot, ‘it’s too hot. Yikes, so sticky. Why is it hot? Berlin is never hot. Now honestly, I’d rather have jacket-weather than this mess’. Berlin is too this, too that, but never what it should be to make them shut up. The worst effect of that phenomenon is that, as a disease, Berliners spread complaining to expats who are here long enough. Ending up with Brazilians complain about hot weather: HOW?! Okay, let me break it down to you since no one so far did. Life entails things not going well. It’s within the basic contract, within the default package, that’s what you ARE to expect just by being born.  Even in a lucky life, things do go wrong and are not perfect. So how about accepting things the way they are, and live life being a bit happier. I’m not saying don’t strive to make things better but with some things, it is what it is. Take it easy. Smile. It’s just Schienenersatzverkehr, not the end of the world.


The Notorious Single

We all have these friends. Friends that you advice for the billionth time on their dating life. As these friends seem to be in constant need of advice which they never follow. They keep on doing the same thing, wondering ‘Why am I still single?’. Either they’re on all dating apps at once, chatting up hotties from breakfast to dinner, getting naked in no time because who cares about relationships, casual sex is fine! Or, two weeks later, they change their mind and come back to you complaining how casual sex depresses them. You’re advising to take things slow. They gotta find their balance, not that you’re the living expert. It’s hard but Mr. or Mrs. Right is out there! However, in an act of total extremism they delete all their apps again. Just to redownload them 32 minutes later. And then reload the program of complaining about their singleness. You advice a night out. Maybe, we should all mingle, socialize, flirt in real life. But, they have decided that dating is generally too much for them and they rather hide under their blanket…. Until the app gets redownloaded. Well, … GET. IT. TOGETHER. And go have a drink with your friends.

Text: Andy & Stella, Illustrations: Berk Karaolgu

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<a href="https://www.iheartberlin.de/author/andy/" target="_self">Andy</a>