The 5 Types of Berliners in Autumn

illustrations: Berk Karaoglu

Autumn is upon us! It’s the time of the year when we walk over Warschauer Brücke and an icy wind tells us mercilessly that we put the wrong jacket on. It’s that time when we find ourselves paralyzed in our local supermarket while looking at a shelf full of “Lebkuchenherzen” and “Glühwein”. The time, when you should get that fur coat out of the closet and at last, it does NOT make sense anymore to buy these sandals on sale. Wasn’t it just spring? Didn’t you wanna go to all of the lakes? Well, the time for bikinis and sunscreen is over. The colder months are coming. And there are very different ways of dealing with that fact in this city. Here are 5 types of Berliners in the Fall that you might know too well.

The Depressed

“Why do I even live here? This summer sucked and now it’s gonna be fucking cold for 8 months straight. Maybe, it’s never gonna be warm again. What’s the point? I hate my life.”

Seemingly, this Berliner only sees meaning in life when temperatures are higher than 20 degrees celsius. As soon as harsher winds blow through the capital anything that even remotely resembles a smile won’t be seen on their faces for many months to come. You also won’t actually see them for quite a while. They mostly hide under their blankets, drink tea and watch “Pretty Woman”. If you’ll get them to do anything, alcohol has to be involved, to drown all emotions and forget about the current state of things.


The Reluctant

“Shut up! This leaf is NOT brown, it’s not even THAT cold, I am gonna wear my shorts out, put my sunglasses on ‘cause it’s still late summer!”

We could call him or her the eternal optimist. When the first cold and rainy days foreshadow what is about to come, this Berliner will most likely drop the phrase: “September is the new August, you’ll see!” Even when it has been 12 degrees, cloudy and wet for three weeks, and the beginning of October is fewer days away than the end of August, this Berliner will find a reason to still drink a beer outside, go for jeans jacket instead of down coat and reject fall for SO long, that only the first Christmas markets can convince him/her otherwise.


The Over-Excited

“OMG, I love fall! We can take long walks around the lake, watch the leaves turn red and drink pumpkin spice lattes. Yesss”

Even if you cannot relate, everyone has one of these in their friendship group. It is uncertain, if they’re really romanticizing fall from deep within or they just fall into some kinda commercial marketing trick of fall looking like some golden, melancholic wonderland. Despite all the rain, the temperatures and all that grey, they LOVE fall and don’t make it a season but a happening. They are the first ones to wear their blanket-sized scarfs all around their bodies again, and decorate their apartments with chestnuts and pumpkins at the first of September.


The Traveller

“I love Berlin in spring and summer! You know, I’m just so busy travelling for work over fall and winter, I never really managed to be here these months… What’s Berlin like then? Does it get colder than 5 degrees?” …

Maybe the least “True Berliner” in this list, but don’t you dare telling him/her that! Still, let’s call this type the “Part-time Berliner”, escaping the city as soon as things get mildly rough. The one who only makes it through the soft part of the ride, but still acts like he/she is part of the team…Don’t we all love that?! Also, we don’t know what they afford it with or what kinda flexible job situation is going on here (we actually just want it, too!!!), but this type manages to jump in between Sicily, Rhodes, and Teneriffe from September ‘til December and if even that becomes to chilly, why not some freelancing in South-Africa, huh?. Oh, and thanks for all the postcards, makes us feel so good about ourselves while we’re tucked in coats and scarfs in a freezing top floor office from 9 to 5!


The Indifferent

“I dunno, fall, winter, spring… whatever… just felt like it’s been grey the last three years. Doesn’t really make a difference to me anymore.”

Not as borderline suicidal as the depressed type, but with a definite tendency towards it. Generally, we also don’t quite know why this person is STILL in Berlin. Nothing ever seems to be particularly exciting. While some people at least love Berlin in summer, this type seems to be unimpressed on a regular basis. Weather, life, job, sex? It’s always just kinda “MEH!”. But, we reach a point here, when it’s not Berlin’s or the weather gods’ fault any more… There is just real’ depth psychology in need here, or something as simple as a relocation. But ok, if you wanna stay here and be an year-round grinch: FINE! Get your life! We might just turn towards someone a ‘lil more life-affirming….

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<a href="" target="_self">Andy</a>