Confessions of a Genital-Jet-Setter

photo: Eylül Aslan

Berlin might be a disaster when it comes to airports but at least we have an overabundance of low-cost-airlines to choose from. And while hundreds of people come to Berlin to get their rocks off every weekend, I prefer to travel and, as some of you might remember my column on the terrible truth about the German man, I have reason enough.

One of the perks of being a writer is that you can work anywhere – all you need is pen and paper, a seat and the energy to string words together. The downside is terrible pay and crippling job insecurity (although I guess that’s just how your life is supposed to be these days), I take as much advantage of the upside as possible. Booking a flight with the goal to see a new place and go on dates is an extravagance everyone should enjoy while we still haven’t reached peak-oil. Strapping into a Ryanair seat one easily arrives at the conclusion that low cost airlines are the flying proof that people love money more than themselves. On the note of self-love I do recommend leaving Berlin once in a while to catch some international dick/clit just so you realize the way we do dating in our quaint little village is actually a bit weird.

While you might be a 7 in Berlin, there are places in Europe where you are a 10 (not Paris, though).

And they’re just 50€ and a bottle of champagne away. A place where people will stop to stare at you in the street, adorable animals flock to you, and life just becomes easy awaits you. There is a specific feeling I’d describe as walking in a populated area being aware you look good, so aware that everyone else starts to know you look good, and all of a sudden it’s just a fact that is accepted by the public. This must be the place.

photo: Eylül Aslan

Many (more or less dodgy) websites have done lists of the top cities to meet people to date. (Shoutout to the Brazilian pick-up artist website that features my photo among 99 other Berlin women without anyone’s consent). Despite these lists, my advice would be to just think about which cities you actually want to see. Maybe visit that one where a former friend-with-benefits has moved after leaving Berlin. I ended up on the British Isles.

For some reason people from the Isles come in exactly two flavors: hot or hideous, there is no in-between. If you are like me and unable to just chat someone up (“I for one welcome our new lizard overlords” being one of my more successful attempts, but that story is for another day) this is your place. Meet your former friends-with-benefits for a drink, realize that he truly is “comfortable” in his new relationship (+20kg) and hop on tinder. Much to my surprise, there are places where it doesn’t suck yet. I’m sure

I’m going to write a click-bait-top-ten-listing about it at some point. What you have to keep in mind is that people in cities that are not Berlin often aren’t as acclimatized to the bland emotional coldness a lot of us use to get around. I once accidentally reduced a London Hipster to tears when I told him that I really wasn’t that interested in post-coital lunch with him. (Sorry, Alexander! Nice dick though!) As a soldier leaving for war, your fleeting brand of sexiness both feeds the narrative of your own legend (“that Berlin girl/guy”) as it feeds everyone’s need to never see people again.

Text: Alix Berber, Photos: Eylül Aslan

* * *

Alix Berber is iHeartBerlin’s newest dating columnist. The Tattletale Heart tells stories of desire, infatuation and the ghosts of lovers past. They are the dating-chronicles of a hopeless romantic with serious trust issues in the capital of the notoriously unattached.

You can follow Alix on Twitter and Facebook.


Diesen Artikel auf deutsch lesen.

<a href="" target="_self">Alix</a>