Flirting in Berlin: To Flirt or not to Flirt?

As we already discussed in the Dating Dilemma, Berlin is quite the uphill struggle when it comes to finding a perfect soul mate. After a while of living here you will realize that getting to know somebody is crazy difficult. To sum up the reasons in a simple statistic: One third of the single population is proud to be a slut, one third is infected with love resistance and the last third (actually the one where not all the hope is lost) got their heart broken not only once or twice but at least let’s say around a dozen times (by the other two thirds).

But listen up, I am not telling you all this because I want to demotivate you. Actually I hope to inspire you to break out of the circle of fear of rejection and start flirting again. Especially in summer, flirting can be so much fun and the most unexpected pleasant encounter is waiting just at the next open air party, flea market stroll or barbecue on the rooftop. To prepare yourself for it I will teach you how to write love letters, have trust in coincidence, make use of technological advances and some more ideas to restart flirting after the jump.

1. Write Love Letters (to Yourself, the City and the Unknown Stranger)

I don’t want to loose you along the spiritual road. But believe me, without a good package of self-confidence and self-esteem going out and flirt in this city is psychological hara-kiri. As you may have read in most self-help love columns: First you have to love yourself before you can give love to others. As simple and cheesy as this sounds it’s fucking true. How to get there? Start with writing a love letter to yourself. Try to remember nice things people around you say about you and your personality and put it down on paper. You don’t have to do it very seriously. Try to have fun with this creative exercise.To get rid of the anger you have towards the city start writing a love letter to Berlin, too. Why do you love to live here and what defines your special relationship to the city?

Last but not least write a love letter to a stranger walking by, sitting with you in the U-Bahn or just somebody you spot at the club. Maybe it’s only a few words on a post-it with your number on it. Maybe you start decorating the whole neighbourhood with love notes to somebody you see on your morning walks but never said hi to. Don’t put any limits to your creativity and you will see that even though you might not have the best of luck with anybody, the process of writing positive messages to yourself and others will reboot your confidence and trigger a positive excitement.

2. Have Trust in the Power of Coincidence

As I stated previously and with more emphasis here, there is nothing more important than to have trust in the power of coincidence. Don’t become a crazy strategist only going to places and to events where you might meet somebody. This will make you desperate. I had friends who could not enjoy a party or any other kind of event because they had all their attention and energy focused on looking for Mr. and Mrs. Right and were repeatedly disappointed. How to be open for more coincidence? Break your routines. Go out with new people, start unconventional friendships and feel open for absurd activities. Running around the at same hip places will not do the trick. The most awkward circumstances can be the most fertile ground for flirting moments.

3. Don’t Give up on Missed Opportunities

You went outside of your comfort zone and started flirting again? Went to a gallery opening for example, stood in front of a sculpture of a giant penis and started laughing and then realize that the person right next to you is also crashing in laughter. Then you have a nice chitchat and exchange smiles and would like to hang out again but nobody makes the first move and you say goodbye without having each others contact? Don’t be disappointed and don’t give up. You might find them in the RSVP list of the Facebook event or on some of the many apps and websites.

4. Don’t Agree with Passive Rejection

Following point one to three will not keep you safe from rejection. And even if they might hurt a lot, rejections are not always completely bad. But it really depends on the way you handle them. If somebody rejected you and you don’t understand the reason why than try to start a dialogue about it. Nowadays in Berlin it is very common to get a passive rejection: in short words, the guy or girl just stops writing you back, answering the phone and replying any kind of message (as if they were dead). This feels not only really disappointing but also makes you even more insecure for the next dates because you never got a proper explanation about what went wrong. I know that it’s not an easy task, but try to get an answer out of that person and you might learn something from it.

5. Go on an Emotional Holiday

This trick is something I came up with lately and I am 100% convinced that it really works. Aren’t holidays the best times for flirting? Maybe this is because on holidays you have low expectations and are not afraid of loosing your face. The days are limited and so is your fear of rejection. Try to imagine yourself on one of these holidays the next time you are surrounded by potential flirt partners and you will see how easy going and fearless you will be. And if you go on a date, try to create this emotional state of holiday by exploring new locations and districts. Go out of the comfort zone of your Kiez and try to make the date a fun holiday adventure. This will take a lot tension off of you and your potential soul mate.

I hope those advices will make you get rid of some of your worries and negative ideas. Enjoy the summer as fierce and fearless urban love explorers and you might realize that flirting can be one of the best activities Berlin has to offer.

Thanks to ihateflash for the amazing pictures of this article.

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<a href="" target="_self">Claudio</a>