Gayting in Berlin: One Night of Desperate Flirting

Gayting in Berlin: One Night of Desperate Flirting

Berlin is pretty gay. No, that was not the one and only reason I decided to move here almost five years ago but, that definitely played into it. What city could be better to explore your own queerness than Europe’s gay capital, right? Well, let’s say, like any relationship: It’s complicated! Being gay, living and finding out how to define my own sexuality is one thing. Finding Prince Charming here is something else though. Men are generally not known for being more on the romantic side of things, even in straight relationships. Imagine you put two horny men who like men into one room… And now imagine you put thousands of gay men into one city famous for hedonism… And in times of attractive specimen being just one click on your phone away, we’re all just becoming lazy, horny gay sloths grinding our neighborhood from the sofa.

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The Stealth-Flirting of Berliners

The Stealth-Flirting of Berliners

When I first arrived in Berlin a little over a year ago I knew I would encounter plenty of cultural shock. I had no idea, however, that dating in Berlin would be a 9 on the damn Richter scale. My current self wishes she could have warned her past self to brace herself. I was in for a shake up.

The first time I went out in Berlin, I came home feeling convinced that something was seriously wrong with me. No one tried to hit on me the whole night (or so I thought.) Could they smell the American on me? Was I not wearing enough black? Were my dance moves not robotic enough?

Now don’t get me wrong, there are definitely some positive sides to being a female at a Berlin nightclub. Chances are your butt won’t be groped, your drink won’t be spiked (because having a drink bought for you is highly unlikely), and you won’t have to listen to cheesy pickup lines such as, “would you like some fries with that shake?”— (yes, someone has actually muttered these words to me.) I can’t speak for other nightlife around the world, but going out as a female in the US means you’ll likely spend the majority of the night deflecting unwanted attention. I had normalized this behavior so much that when I didn’t have it, I started to wonder if something was wrong with me.

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Flirting in Berlin: Boot Camp for Singles

Flirting in Berlin: Boot Camp for Singles

via DRLMA

Valentine’s Day – the romantic movies, the perfectly cute couple across the street, the expectations! They all put us poor singles of Berlin to shame. No, we have not found the love of our life yet to buy flowers or a nice dinner. No Mr. or Ms. Right. In fact, we haven’t even found Mr. or Ms. Right Now! No love of the moment or fling for the weekend or anything that even resembles a date. And if we should find somebody to go out with, the dating dilemma transforms us into nervous wrecks.

But who is to blame? You want to point your finger at Berlin or at Tinder or at the neo-liberal capitalistic society in which we all live. But it isn’t so easy, is it? Let’s follow my wild speculations after the jump and maybe we find some tips for our next flirting moves.

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Flirting in Berlin: To Flirt or not to Flirt?

Flirting in Berlin: To Flirt or not to Flirt?

As we already discussed in the Dating Dilemma, Berlin is quite the uphill struggle when it comes to finding a perfect soul mate. After a while of living here you will realize that getting to know somebody is crazy difficult. To sum up the reasons in a simple statistic: One third of the single population is proud to be a slut, one third is infected with love resistance and the last third (actually the one where not all the hope is lost) got their heart broken not only once or twice but at least let’s say around a dozen times (by the other two thirds).

But listen up, I am not telling you all this because I want to demotivate you. Actually I hope to inspire you to break out of the circle of fear of rejection and start flirting again. Especially in summer, flirting can be so much fun and the most unexpected pleasant encounter is waiting just at the next open air party, flea market stroll or barbecue on the rooftop. To prepare yourself for it I will teach you how to write love letters, have trust in coincidence, make use of technological advances and some more ideas to restart flirting after the jump.

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Flirting in Berlin: The Dating Dilemma

Flirting in Berlin: The Dating Dilemma

photo: I Hate Flash

I pronounce myself guilty for not having written a flirting in Berlin column for a quite a while. To be honest, I was not really in the flirting mood in the last months. The reasons: the classic Dating Dilemma. If you have no dates you feel empty and like nothing really exciting is happening anymore. Just if you are meeting someone, your emotions (or let’s just say my emotions) are going overboard so fucking easy that it is hard to handle all the normal things in life. The only good thing about the Dating Dilemma in Berlin: You are not the only one. Nearly all my single friends are in the same excruciating situation. Not meeting somebody is boring but meeting somebody makes your nerves go nuts. Why is it so hard in Berlin just to find the right person to be happy with?

The guys from We are now are going out on the streets of Berlin asking people about it. All of that gives no answers to the big WHY AM I STILL SINGLE question. But at least you realize that you are not alone. Everybody has the same struggles, insecurities and weird thoughts about love. But maybe learning to love is truly about that. Sharing your struggles with same-minded people and also find a way to laugh away the little fears inside you.  Watch the video after the jump.

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Flirting in Berlin: Fashion Week ist Flirting Week

Flirting in Berlin: Fashion Week ist Flirting Week

photo: Oliver Rath

Fashion Week is coming up and even if you are not so involved in the whole circus you must have realized by now that there are so many things going on where you can potentially meet someone unexpected. This makes Fashion Week the perfect playground for flirting if you take care of some basic fliriting rules.

First of all you should get rid of the prejudice that fashionistas are somehow an entirely different species that is just living off designer brands and beauty products. Most nice fashionable people have a lot of other interests, can discuss politics and social inequality and spend their weekends in their sweatpants just like everybody else. It’s somehow typical for people in Berlin to believe that just because somebody likes to be well groomed and dressed up it means he or she is shallow and stupid. Having that in mind my first and most important recommendation that I also give in any of my other flirting guides: Leave your narrow minded judgements on other people at home and combine a nice dose of openess with a charming outift if you want to get laid or just have a nice flirt.

So many of my friends apparently got lucky during Fashion Week that maybe you don’t even need so many instructions to enjoy all the parties and beauty. Still I think there are some flirtation Faux Pas that could/should be avoided. Read my advice after the jump.

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Flirting in Berlin: Im Gegenteil

Flirting in Berlin: Im Gegenteil

all photos: Im Gegenteil

Being single in Berlin and wanting to change it is not the easiest thing. Paradoxically the quantity of possibilites to meet and hook up with someone seems to go inversely proportional to the actual flirting happening in this city. That is why I gave you some advice on how to flirt on the public transport not so long ago. Did it help? Eventually. But we cannot ride in eternity in the single Ringbahn just waiting for the right guy or girl sitting next to us. So maybe the intrepid Berlin dweller wants to try his luck online hoping for cupid hitting him through the window of his browser.

Until now I would have told you that there is no way to flirt online with dignity. There is always the stinky slime of cheap superficiality all over it of choosing someone because his profile pic looks sexy, nice or interesting (whatever you are looking for). But two girls with entrepreneurial spirit finally did something I was thinking about in years without a concrete solution: Re-inventing online dating.

Im Gegenteil is a curated interview magazine featuring Berlin’s most interesting bachelors and bachelorettes. The look and feel, is very personal and the photos are high-quality and remind me of Freunde von Freunden, which is big compliment. So far so good. Still the page got me thinking and raised a couple of questions which I also discussed with my friends. Would we like to be portrayed on Im Gegenteil? Would we write somebody who is interviewed there? What happens with the interview after the single is not single anymore? Does it remain as an online memory of desperates times? Some personal answers after the jump.

UPDATE: Don’t miss a live reading event of the best stories from the Im Gegenteil blog taking place at Backfabrik on Wednesday, May 20th 2015.

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Flirting in Berlin: 10 Ways how to get to know your U-Bahn Crush

Flirting in Berlin: 10 Ways how to get to know your U-Bahn Crush

photo: Calvina Nguyen

It’s been quite a while now since we wrote something about love on this blog with the big heart for Berlin. Actually, falling in love in Berlin (not with) especially in summer is quite awesome. But even if the city is full of cute, interesting and good looking people, meeting the right one at the right time and with the right emotional state seems pretty impossible. Looking accurately into it and discussing the problem with my friends, I realized that a lot of people lack in the basic knowledge on how to flirt at all. That is why I decided to write some funky flirting tutorials for you that may help you to conquer the heart of the strangers in this big anonymous city.

This week I would like to give the U-Bahn crush some attention (you know I have a special thing for the Berlin subway). I got inspired to do this by the very romantic pictures of the wedding from Serena and Melissa in New York I found on the website of photographer Calvina Nguyen. The two girls met each other in NYC and wanted to dedicate their wedding to the city and the subway. If you want to share a similar faith maybe my 10 ways of how to meet the good looking stranger in the subway can help you to do so, after the jump.

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F.A.G.

F.A.G.

After a long and emotional search, your sexy, queer Techno family party F.A.G. is back – bigger, longer and stronger than ever!

F.A.G. is more than an event; it’s a celebration of love in all of its shades and with Techno in our hearts. Come as you are, dress in your boldest outfits, and let your authentic self shine. Let your imagination roam free as you connect with others who share your passions and desires.

F.A.G. is not a plain sex party. You can just dance, meet new friends or unleash yourself in the dark corners. Best: Do all of that! Save the date and prepare for an unforgettable experience that will leave you with cherished memories and new friendships.

## Dress code ##
Wear something dark or colorful, something kinky or sex-positive or whatever you feel expresses yourself. Just leave those day-to-day garments at home. 😉 Be authentic and be F.A.G.! Not sure how to dress? Ask us.

## New Location / OXI ##
The new venue empowers us to dance, flirt and chat for more hours. Find yourself shaking your ass off on the dancefloor, chilling at the bars or on some comfy sofas or flirting in a sleazy corner or the darkroom. 😉

## Door ##
We want you and every guest to feel comfortable. So ask yourself if you feel F.A.G.? Then, entry is guaranteed.

CHICKS* freies Performancekollektiv: Deep Dancing

CHICKS* freies Performancekollektiv: Deep Dancing

There is a daily performance for blind an visually impaired people at 5:45pm.

NOTCE: The performances take place at different times in German or English. At 17.45 we invite to a performance in German for blind/visually impaired people. The slots at 18:00 and at 19:20 take place in German. At 20:45 you can choose between English and German. Please note the language shown in the webshop. We kindly ask you to arrive at least 15 minutes before your booked timeslot, as the event can only start when all visitors* are present. There will be no late entry. We kindly ask you to arrive at least 15 minutes before your booked time slot, as the event can only start when all visitors are present.

“Dance as you are!” CHICKS* invite small groups and even individual participants to delve into their personal experiences with dance together with the artists. “DEEP DANCING” is an interactive dance format exploring forms of partner dance and the performative discourse on dancing in times of patriarchy. Participants and artists join up to construct queer-feminist utopias and practice dance as both a resistive tool and a feel-good place, but also a form of performative therapy at the same time. Shall we dance? And, if yes, how?

Performers and participants negotiate questions about partner dance and leading while searching for non-violent ways of being with each other. How do we dance when there is no cismale* part to take the lead? What gender roles may we establish, discard, or debate in dance? How are we going to interact to avoid hurting each other? “DEEP DANCING” is a feminist flirting school, a consent-based meeting format, and a distancing-disco-fox class, an exercise in pushing and stumbling, a monogamy-critical partnering ritual and a power-negotiating conversational format in dance. All in all, “DEEP DANCING” is both a highly exclusive and sensitive date with CHICKS* and a close dance with yourself!